°¤°GüMMy ßeAR LøVëR°¤°
The first thing I want to know: Is this what Arkansas does to people? If so, remind me to never, ever go there. I do like all the pictures of cadavers on her friends list, though.
Oh, wait. Those are people!
You will have a seizure
Obviously, the animated checkered background jumps out as the worst part of this profile, and proves how much this girl hates you. It’s so bad, it makes me want to go on a rape-and-pillage spree at the local old folks home. You can’t even read the damn links at the top, so your risk of seizure increases exponentially as you fumble around for a way to get off the page.
I suggest immediately turning off your computer and destroying it to purify yourself of what you have seen.
This isn’t to say that punk rock style isn’t cool - it’s cool - it’s just not cool the way this girl has done it. It hurts. Make it stop.
“But that’s punk!” you say. Wrong. There’s a base, human threshold for pain that you can cross that may trigger people to stab you in the eyeball with a splintery bamboo skewer. Unless you enjoy this - some of her friends may - the goddamn background must go.
Show me the Gümmi
Next, I can find nothing on this profile about Gümmi Bears ™, the delicious, rubber, medicine-flavored treat that Germans have been secretly using as mind control over our children for the last 40 years. So that’s some real false advertising right there. Unless she’s implying that she likes to bite the heads off of things and transplant them on to other bodies. Which is cool.
“Interests: Juggalos/Juggalettes”
Who I’d like to meet:
“… if i was sentinced[sic] to a year and they will still love me …”
In my experience, anyone who likes Insane Clown Posse pretty much sucks. You are a person who likes two white guys made up like evil clowns, act gangsta and perform really, really bad hip-hop. I can’t believe people don’t realize how bad those tools suck.
Music: White Zombie, ICP, Slipknot … and Village People
GüMMy has a nice array of your standard dark-goth-punk-metal-badass-cool-dude bands, like White Zombie, ICP, Nine Inch Nails, Slipknot, etc. But then the list wanders into … the Village People!? Because, yeah, their one super-gay hit song YMCA is so awesome. You definitely better list that on your profile.
Movie: Ghost Ship
I can’t really dis GüMMy’s movie choices, except for one which she seems to have randomly thrown in to f**k with our heads, Ghost Ship. This low-budget piece a’ shit stars the respectable Gabriel Byrne and where-is-she now hottie Julianna Margulies. It’s about a bunch of bad-ass salvager bad-asses who discover an abandoned ship and try to salvage it, only to be picked off one by one blah blah blah and even their bad-assness can’t save them. The ol’ reguritated Alien formula. Shoot me in the face, please.
It’s not all bad.
Redeeming qualities
I try to say at least a few good things about you MySpace fools, so here’s a few:
- Dirty pics: No matter what anyone says, these are always sweet, whether or not it’s actually your ass. Oh, you’re 16? Hey, keep it legal and it’s not a problem.
- Bravery: This girl looks like a complete freak and she lives in Arkansas. Props for not getting shot, beaten and strung up by a posse of local cavemen.
Conclusion and Recommendations
GüMMy’s young, angry, misdirected and living in Arkansas. She’s probably pretty hot, but it’s hard to tell because she looks like a cadaver. A touch of goth is fine, but easy on the razored skull; you might think it makes you an “individual”, but you really just look like all the other freaks.
Keep up the dirty pics.
For the sake of epileptics everywhere, lose that animated background image immediately.
Oh, and Insane Clown Posse sucks more than our president. Please don’t forget that.
August 22nd, 2005 at 10:56 am
Yeah I think Insane Clown Posse is on the prez’ IPOD, so trip on that.
One word that summarizez this ****: Arkansas. Yes, just living in that state would make me wanna get with goats, too. Nice profile, if I were the admin I would delete the **** out of it.
January 14th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
I was super hungover when I went to this site and I threw up. I swear to god. I was so dizzy from that god-awful checkered background it couldn’t be helped. Someone please tell this person I hate her because I’m never opening that website again.
January 14th, 2006 at 5:13 pm
wow…what a complete moron!
I used to live in Conway AK (I moved after 8 months)
if I still lived there I would either kill myself or create a horrible
epileptic seizure masquerading as a myspace page like It (still not sure it’s a girl)did.
January 16th, 2006 at 3:00 pm
Ok, so why are you bitching so much about these profiles… if you dont like them dont look at them, thats what i do… no one is shoving them in your face… also you must have wanted to look up **** like this because you even counted the number of pics the first guy had on his page… next time think before writing…
January 17th, 2006 at 12:25 am
So i didnt see any other place to send you an email/other means of communicae, so, ill do it here. For your ways not to suck at myspace you should put down NOT have your scroll var ALL ONE COLOR!! i dont know about you but i refuse to look at a persons profile if they pull that dumb ****. i mean seriously is it so important to you to have your scrollbar solid pink that you deny people th function of the GUI in the first place? a damn border is what its called. jesus…. sorry i just emotional when i talk about scrollbars…. lol jk but i reely hate that crap.
January 18th, 2006 at 4:36 am
Okay, so at least she changed her background. Now it’s pills… lots of pills. You know maybe it isn’t better. I think i just threw up a bit. Please excuse me now!
January 25th, 2006 at 9:30 pm
If you want to have a real seizure check out this one… Alamo Joe
January 31st, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Will u please…..Shut The Hell Up! god everywhere i look i see little whiny ******* like you all. God if this is what you all do on your spare time i really feel sorry for you. I can just imagine it now a bunch of stupid computer geeks gathered around the computer, saying how stupid this is when you all probally still live at your momma’s house. Get A life and Grow the **** Up…*******
February 1st, 2006 at 5:01 pm
Andrew, you just made fun of everybody for being a whiny ***** when you just did nothing but whine like a *****, *****
February 3rd, 2006 at 4:00 pm
For the love of pete, someone hand this girl a spell check. Under general interests we see the word ‘heroian’. Considering we see a picture of a needle for more dramatic effect, i’m assuming she means heroin, but heck, I could be wrong.
One other thing that makes my skull bleed is the need for period use. I submit to you, under her ‘about me’ section - nothing but neophyte attempts at stream of conciousness poetry, and every damned phrase begins and ends with a period. Spare us.
February 11th, 2006 at 12:56 pm
Omfg, I so agree with all of this! I hate those goddamned sites with all those scray pictures and crap… *shudders*
February 15th, 2006 at 9:44 pm
why is everyone so mad? its just a joke.
February 27th, 2006 at 12:07 am
Jesus Christ, that has to be one of the worst MySpace profiles of all time. I’ve seen my share of 15 year old emo chicks, but ****.. I live 20 miles from where she was born.
I feel tainted.
March 6th, 2006 at 1:40 am
lol, talk about the “friend *****.” 813 friends… jesus christ. I hate friend whores, like her. Also hate people who ***** about other peoples profiles. Stop being “emo” and whining and bitching about other peoples ****. Your just as gay as all those ****** emo bitchs.
March 15th, 2006 at 7:51 am
I hate people who ***** about people bitching about other peoples profiles. Whod have thought that putting your info on the internet meant anyone could see it?! Wise up ****** bags, if people didnt make fun of these sorry ***** theyd never learn…this site is doing people a service. Its called a joke you ******* nazis, if youre not laughing then youre probably just as ignorant as the lame ***** this site mocks. The fact that you took the time to write insults to the people that leave comments is 10x more sad than the people who actually post with a sense of humor. Congrats, you are lame, humorless, and take the internet way to seriously. Now put my **** in your ear and **** what you heard.
March 16th, 2006 at 9:37 pm
Enough with the Arkansas bashing, We are not all crazy rednecks with horrible myspaces, although this girls sucks really bad. And Death! the musical probably hated it because his mail kept going to Alaska, If you lived here for more than a week you should know that it is AR.
June 2nd, 2006 at 8:25 am
Thank you Hunter, you made the point i was going to. Believe me, there are much cooler people in Arkansas than this ******. I’m new to this site so please forgive my late response to these charges!!!!!
June 6th, 2006 at 8:25 am
nice interests. weed, lesbians, wanking and strippers. What a life!!!
July 10th, 2006 at 10:11 pm
I used to date a girl like that. Admittedly not one of my better decisions in life. What really bugs me about the pseudo-goth variety of high school cliches, is that they seem to wallow in the f\/cked up unicode and xXxRandomDepressingNamexXx style of naming. That’s a cliche that deserves a place in the commandments.
July 21st, 2006 at 8:29 am
I’m scared. I only got a myspace thingie so i can have a look at what you are gawking at. I want to know why these people are in my extended network, since i don’t know of anyone with a myspace. I also want to know why this little girl thinks it is cute to use Fiddycent lyrics. Does she think it’s cute that she’s such a prat? She needs a role model
August 18th, 2006 at 2:04 pm
she has a picture of a plushie monket which is a mynci at neopets ( http://www.neopets.com/refer.phtml?username=faerie_lover_7 )
and btw thats site is for 10-15 year olds……………
August 22nd, 2006 at 5:14 pm
Oh, hooray, she lost the background! I like the picture of the foot. What’s the point of that again?
January 4th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
do u have more moon shots….that’s beautiful!!
May 22nd, 2007 at 4:26 am
girl you are hot