I Love Slappy
If Mustang and weight-lifting enthusiasts were making any headway in their campaign to fit in with other normal human beings, Lithuanian import I Love Slappy single-handedly destroyed all their progress with his awful MySpace page.
BIGGER IS BETTER
Subtlety is not one of I Love Slappy’s strong points, but who needs to be subtle when you lift weights all day and drive a Mustang! Slappy has an awful background image of two outdated-model Mustangs and shirtless pictures of himself posing all over his page. At least the Mustangs are on pretty blue terrain and have a beautiful yellow and orange sunset in the background – oh, except he’s “pimped his page” so that all his fonts are the same shades of yellow, orange and blue. It makes me squint so much that now I can’t see the bottom row of letters at the optometrist’s office (confidential note to Slappy: that’s where the eye doctor works).
He may have a ridiculous amount of MySpace friends (nearly 1,500 and counting), but much of Slappy’s page exhibits a disturbing trend of solitude. His lone blog post details his special diet to obtain more defined abs – is that all you have going in your life? Most of the pictures in his photo gallery are shirtless self portraits, and one of the only photos with another person reads: “Me and my boy Justin, whos [sic] bigger? lol”. Nice to dis your only real friend.
ONE-TRACK MIND
Slappy’s workout regimen doesn’t leave much time for music, TV or film, but he does like Tom Hanks movies, Smallville and all music except country. Sorry bro, but people who say they like “all music” don’t really like music at all. This claim is further supported by the inclusion of 2Pac’s posthumous “Running” video, a song Pac didn’t think was good enough to release when he was actually alive.
And as for books? “Only books i read are for school.” Surprise, surprise.
HE’S SO CLEVER
Oh Slappy…who ever said meatheads had a juvenile sense of humor? Get this … on his details, Slappy says he is from “Black / African descent”. But he’s really as white as snow! LOLOLz. Slappy says he is a gynecologist, but he’s really just a student at a community college! LOLOLz! Slappy says he makes between $100-150k a year, but he really blows his part-time gym trainer salary on steroids supplements and body oil! LOLOLz!
REDEEMING QUALITIES
Positives are tough to find, but at least one of the car photos listed under interests is a nice stealth shot of a girl bending over the hood of a car. Too bad she’s checking out an import!
CONCLUSION AND SUGGESTIONS
I Love Slappy is obviously using his obsession with big cars, big muscles and a big friends list to make up for his incredibly small penis.
Use a background image that makes it possible to read your profile. Make some real friends so that someone can take your pictures for you, and try not posing or wearing a shirt in a couple of them. And start going down on your girlfriend, because your “barbell” isn’t getting the job done.
January 24th, 2006 at 6:36 am
ahhahah who ever made this site has way too much time on their hands, however i’m pretty flattered to have made it on this page. Hopefully it will keep growing and one day i will be famous for being te worst myspace ever
January 24th, 2006 at 6:40 am
let’s see some more frequent updates
January 24th, 2006 at 6:42 am
That man is a MustangWorld.com member!
January 24th, 2006 at 6:54 am
I bet the author/writer of this section is probably extremely skinny and drives a honda or something… seems like jealousy to me? :whoknows: :look:
January 24th, 2006 at 7:07 am
you complain about him only reading books for school and his life only involving working out and mustangs…but it looks like all of you life revolves around reading and tearing apart other peoples profiles…little sad huh? maybe youre the one that needs a hobby…something OTHER than staring at myspace all day.
January 24th, 2006 at 8:50 am
Message for sweet little Amy:
Amy it’s sweet that you feel such strong conviction to stick up for random hard bodied meatheads, but keep in mind that not everyone out there is cool, and sometimes they need to be informed of this. Everyone needs a good laugh, and sometimes that will come at someone’s expense.
Message for the Worst:
Ya get a real hobby (hahaha) Myspacing sucks, and is for total losers. Hey where did Amy stumble across your profile? Have a beautiful Tuesday.
Viva la Worst!
January 24th, 2006 at 9:04 am
i dont think you coulda summed up this clown any better…what an arrogant meatball
January 24th, 2006 at 9:28 am
And its so cool to break down myspace pages and throw hate at other people. Just because your mom says your cool, doesnt mean you really are…
January 24th, 2006 at 9:55 am
http://www.mustangworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=380760
You’ve been tagged for the worst of MustangWorld.
January 24th, 2006 at 11:16 am
The internet is the internet people! Who cares what this guys profile says about him. If he wants to post that he takes steroids every hour on the hour…who gives a shit. If he seems like a meathead to some of you…who gives a shit. The author of this section and everyone else who feels that this guy’s profile is the worse…he got your attention didn’t he?!?! Say what you want about the kid, he don’t really care. Quit hating on the guy cuz he’s got a body you can only dream of with a penis that is probably bigger than most
For the record, he’s not a meathead and he is probably smarter than many of you who sit around the computer all day picking apart his profile. If you don’t like what his profile depicts, there is this little red X icon in the upper right hand corner. Click on it.
January 24th, 2006 at 12:08 pm
whoever made this page has way 2 much fucking time on his hands. And obvisouly u prolly are a small ass person who never has had sex in your entire life. Its obvisous cause u put this page 2gether. And u spent way 2 much time looking at other peoples profiles. My advice to u (the creator of this page) start working out, eating right, and maybe then u might get Laid
P.S
Iloveslappy
chitown representing
January 24th, 2006 at 2:39 pm
Damn, does MustangWorld have a MySpace profile? That site is TERRIBLE. Nice logo. Looks like an ’85 ‘Stang and a Chevy Cavalier with some sort of hack of the Daily Show graphic.
January 24th, 2006 at 4:01 pm
Bud Light presents:Real men of genius(real men of genius)
Today we salute you Mr. Compulsive MySpace Reader.(Mr. Compulsive MySpace Reader) You’ve accomplished only what victims of down syndrome dream about.(those poor retards) You sit in your $10 chair from wal-mart using your keyboard warrior skillz to hunt down the unsuspecting in an attempt to flex your fingernails for the internet to admire.(watch him go as he types)
Except what you neglect to recognize is that you display your entire self worth on a web page designed by a 2nd grader with no eyes.(i hope you didn’t pay for this piece of cow dunggggggg)
Now stay up all night feeding your fatass cheetos and diet soda drawing up more retarded fuckking insults so your faggot friends might think you’re worth more than porking that black hole.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, maddox wannabe….we’re all laughing at you.
January 24th, 2006 at 8:59 pm
Buaahahahahaa
that is what I call profile 
)
January 25th, 2006 at 9:48 am
HAHAHAHA…You know..I think I have to agree with everyone that the looser that made up this page sure has TOO much time on his hand!! I mean, who is he to judge someone with out even knowing these people!!! He/she must not have any friends and this is his only way to get “popular”..well..ur sure popular now buddy!! Except I think everyone thinks this page is retarded!! And please dont talk about my boyfriends penius unless you have something to vouch for, because I dont know about you but 9″ to me is anything but small. Dont hate buddy, dont hate!
February 9th, 2006 at 6:29 am
You know I truly do love Slappy. I think he’s the only person who sees the lightheartedness in all of this is. It really looks like all of this is above most every ones heads. The people that side with Worstof don’t seem to see the face value of the commentary, and begin to sound quite hateful in their agreement. And Slappy’s side come off as super defensive, with horrible counterpoints to boot.
March 2nd, 2006 at 3:38 pm
once again….PEOPLE are PRICELESS
March 6th, 2006 at 1:54 am
holy…shit… you are such a jackass. WHo… GIVES… A… FUCK!!! This guy is a muscle bound dork who probly does have an incredably small penis, not to mention i do hate mustangs also. Whats worse though, Chicks who think they’re hot shit driving muctangs. They are worse then this guy. Heres a perfect example of one who USED to be on my friends list but i was obviously wasnt good enough for the little whore so she deleted when she was the one to fucking add me in the first place.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=18540553
March 26th, 2006 at 6:28 pm
This has to be a joke. Are people really this dumb? “Man you suck Mr. Nutz. Im thinking about saying the exact same god d@mn thing every other hater has said in this forum. Oh heck who gives a hay I will. Who are you to be mean and not so nice to people because they spend time doing crunches and masturbating to Tom Cruise’s myspace photo.” STFU, everyone of you says the same thing, be creative. We wouldnt have some of the greatest comedy acts if it werent at the expense of others. Boo hoo. Sticks and stones may break my bones but hypocrisy is a word Im sure plenty of you have trouble rhyming. Help me out here. By the way, Hondas rock.
March 27th, 2006 at 6:43 am
Wow this one brought out a lot of attention from the idiot squad. You know it has to be because the moron himself could not find the eloquent words to argue against his “suckitude”, so he informed all of the other idiots he knows to come here and have them mangle the english language even more.
Dumb jock + car obsession + Rap = bad
March 31st, 2006 at 2:30 pm
I believe meatheads are either making up for their small penises, left flaccid and impotent from years of steroid abuse or because they’re ashamed of homoerotic feelings they may be having. Why do they assume that people who aren’t meatheads are losers who never get laid?–I know tons of chicks who find those guys repulsive(meaning they actually like guys who can hold a substantial conversation.) These are the same guys who hate on gays, but will watch football–a sport where men in tight clothing put themselves in compromising positions with other men, have titles like “tight end” and end the game by showering with each other.
April 7th, 2006 at 8:28 pm
wow all these people got a little fired up that y’all dissed a f’n meathead, that’s amazing, I’m not even angry.
April 8th, 2006 at 1:37 am
Nope, it’s one meathead and all of his sad, stupid, unoriginal, retarded, lemming-like Myspace “friends”. The onlt ones he has in the whole wide world as he felt it necessary to get his “friends” in to defend his honour.
THE INTERNET IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!
May 22nd, 2006 at 12:56 pm
ZoMg A MUzTAnggg BORED MEMBERZ ARE on ATTAKK !
May 30th, 2006 at 8:49 am
why do people think that if you have muscles your a meathead?
im not sure but i know that ive had alot of good covo;’s with people with muscles.
July 16th, 2006 at 6:39 am
whats the bet that most of the people who wrote about sticking up for slappy were actually written by slappy himself……
December 22nd, 2006 at 8:29 pm
haha slappy looks like jonny lee miller gained some muscles & lost his neck!!
hilariousness.com
January 8th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
christina gallery…
I Googled for something completely different, but found your page…and have to say thanks. nice read….
January 16th, 2007 at 10:09 am
I love Mangtas, he is my e-hero