Daily Worst: LaYem DoWn EnT
Ever since Hustle and Flow came out, every tool that can afford a 1982 Casio keyboard and a Fisher-Price tape recorder seems to think he can make rap music.
Well, I’ve got news for you:
You can’t.
And I’m specifically, talking to you, LaYem DoWn EnT (thanks Munkey). I thought this group was a joke at first, but then it slowly dawned on me that these clowns are for real.
Awesome. Just what the world needs: another posse of posers finding different ways to regurgitate meaningless “hard” lyrics they’ve copied from other rappers. Come on! Haven’t you noticed you look just like the Poser Squad on those cell phone commercials?
Now look, I don’t want to turn this into a some stupid white-boys-can’t-rap hate fest. I think anyone should feel free to make rap music. But please, before you consider making the leap into the fun and exciting career of Gangsta Rapper, consider the following:
- Do you have something to say?
- Do you have rhythm?
- Do you not suck?
If you answered no to one - or in LaYem DoWn’s case, all - of these questions, then consider waylaying your rap career until you can answer yes to all three.
Sure, there are exceptions in the industry, like Lil’ Jon, but in his case the world was just begging for the sweet, melodic sound of CRUNK! It was simply a matter of First To Market (FTM, to those of you who only speak Corporate BS) in his case.
All of the songs on LaYem DoWn’s profile are worth a listen and good for a laugh. I particularly like Hatas and its healthy mix of meaningless movie star references and limp lyrics:
Your only easy way out is to get a gun /
Or run, and keep runnin like Tom Hanks /
And don’t let me catch you /
Cause I’ll split how you think
—
Call muthaf**kin George Clooney /
I got the tunes /
And you know I ain’t looney /
Gloomy is what your future looks like …
They DO have Photoshop skillz
Paith the Way is a delightfully egregious misunderstanding and subsequent c*ck-slapping of the English language. If LaYem DoWn was attempting to take ign’ant to a new level, this song just might do it.
I actually own an Albanian rap album by a guy right out of the poorest slums of Kosovo (this is true), and the few “hard” songs he bumbles through in English make LaYem’s tracks sound like recorded wet farts over the sound of an epileptic monkey banging on pots and pans.
I am not joking, so don’t laugh.
Conclusions and Suggestions
You’re not hard. You’re not scary. You may live on a street, but you’re not from the streets.
Stop. Just stop. Read a book. Learn English. Being a complete dumbass contributes nothing to society and nothing to rap music, no matter what color you are.
March 15th, 2006 at 12:18 pm
At least they’re amazing with Photoshop.
Posers make me giggle, everyone needs a couple of ********** to laugh at. Thank you for introducing me to these ones.
March 15th, 2006 at 12:54 pm
You can do that picture trick thingy with any photo editing program…
March 15th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
paith the way? give me a fuggin’ break man….maybe you shouldve paithed your way through highschool before trying to write rhymes.
layem down, now aint you heard?
they layin’ eggs just like some birds
dont be mad and dont be scurred
those arent eggs, they sound like turds
March 15th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
Hey this aint cool yo i might be white but my neck is red, i smear miracle whip on my wonder bread, My face is pale, I never been to jail. I might be whack cause my skin aint black but you cant talk smack cause whitey just struck back.
Oh what now G? Im gonna **** U Up. Im White and Harder than wood G.
March 15th, 2006 at 11:55 pm
So, about the “scarface” pic. His finger isn’t even on the trigger…
March 16th, 2006 at 3:21 am
I’ll admit, this kid is pretty ******’ stupid. But his Photoshop “skills” blow ***.
March 16th, 2006 at 11:17 am
The ghetto is in CENTRAL florida…Orlando has more swimming pools per capita…ha ha.
March 16th, 2006 at 11:55 am
wanna battle me? ill send you to hell
is it a bee sting that made your cranium swell?
looking like a pumpkin on a toothpick wont help you to sell
if you think about it, he kinda looks like screech from saved by the bell
need to grow an afro, im saying you should
lisa turtle is the only thing that makes you harder than wood
ohhhhhhh, BURN!
March 17th, 2006 at 5:42 am
i’ve never been so ashamed to be from florida in all my life
March 17th, 2006 at 6:32 am
Wasn’t that comment straight from “8 Mile” LayEm? is that short for “Lazy Eminem-wannabe”?
March 17th, 2006 at 11:31 am
His rhymes are so original…..
March 20th, 2006 at 8:54 am
That mofo cant touch me, i spit hot mercury. Fire is too lame, it just burns you a bit, but mercury my friends..that **** is poisonous.
March 23rd, 2006 at 9:55 pm
damn datz foo is ****** up he got dat from 8 mile.damn whyte boii stick to sum country musik or sumshyt like dat!dumb ****** whyte boii!
March 24th, 2006 at 10:20 am
i think playmate poses a very intelligent, well thought out argument here. Notice his controversial prose and how clearly he states his hypothesis….its….its art. I think he has a keen eye and a sharp mind, characteristics that would make him a phenominal writer or perhaps detective. For example, the highly successful burn that concludes his statement - “dumb ****** whyte boii” - I mean, who can argue with logic like that? Well done sir, you are a scholar and a gentleman!
March 26th, 2006 at 4:39 pm
This boy has potential, I am definatly thinking about putting him on to my Major record label, he has talent, charming looks, and can you believe how “Well thought out” his sweet rhymes are?!?!!? (By the way his Grillz are off the hook) All of you people are just punks lookin for trouble, and i believe you should stop picking on this rapper trying to make a difference in the world……..
Goerge Bush rocks!
Bye bye
March 27th, 2006 at 9:41 am
Rap suck’s anyway and breeds stupid people. Look around. Anyone thats in rap will ever make a diffence. Cause well no one realy cares about what you say. Oh and one last thing,
gangsters are in the 40’s and 50’s. Can you people ever make up anything for yourself without stealing idea’s? We both know the answer to that, nope.
Go to school or just kill each other eather way , I’ll win in the end.
March 27th, 2006 at 11:10 am
yeah because waylan jennings or whatever country homo bullsh*t you listen to is much more intelligent than rap. stfu, you know what breeds stupid people? you and your flabby, pimple-faced ****** of a girlfriend that you met in a wendy’s drive through.
March 27th, 2006 at 5:59 pm
I hope you were being sarcastic, Chosenfro68.
March 28th, 2006 at 10:26 am
I think Anomaly has a good point. Rap is such bullshit anymore. In the beginning there was actually a point in that it was about the desparate and horrible situation of the ghettos. Now people who sing rap are just a bunch of punks who sing with obnoxious lyrics that has very little to do with a message of change or they are suburbanite white kids who act like they live in the ghetto(which is kinda ironic considering most people want to get out of the ghetto, but then again we are talking about people with the IQ level of horse ****). And yeah nobody really gives a **** about rapster gangsters. They are just a bunch of small time punks who think they’re tough guys. We all know that the Italian-American Mafia and the Russian Mafia are the most powerful organized crime organizations in the US and they own the streets. Not these dipshit motherfuckers.
March 29th, 2006 at 7:42 am
I never understood how the ghetto became such an “in” thing. Things like gold teeth aka grill, and ghetto lingo. I can’t understand half the sh*t most of those a$$hole$ are saying. Most rap just talkes about living large by doing so little work and getting chicks with big ****. Good for them, but I don’t like hearing it in music. Its lame. 2pac was one of the few rappers I respect. Other than that, most of em are just trying to make an easy buck without having to do ****.
March 31st, 2006 at 1:38 pm
LayEm should consider moving from Polk County the redneck capital of the world to somewhere his music might be appreciated. Oh wait.. I don’t think anywhere really does appreciate the crap rap that is churned out today.
April 2nd, 2006 at 11:41 am
Hmmmm……Gangsters…..Mafia……..50 cent???…nope…Your right they dont mix….but this man right here….is a very intelligent rapper…i mean did you guys see his awosme song “Paith the Way” that is definatly a new modern “slang/lisp” sort of language he formed far from ebonics…i call it……slisp
April 2nd, 2006 at 12:17 pm
yo waz up my black people…. don’t email me gansters i’m dangerous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 2nd, 2006 at 1:18 pm
Good grief people, here’s a tip: If you want _anyone_ to think you have even one tiny, miniscule (tautology anyone?) piece of worthiness in life, or even a chance of _anyone_ giving a **** about what you have to say (or rather, type in this instance), learn to spell for christ sakes.
NutZy (not to be confused with Mr. NutZ.. I have no danglies)
April 3rd, 2006 at 7:44 am
i have a wide variety of danglies, all of which can be used to inflict the most heavenly of pleasures or the most searing of pains.
April 3rd, 2006 at 12:46 pm
How about somewhere in between? Pun intended……
April 3rd, 2006 at 1:45 pm
@Anom
There is a freebie Linux/Windows GTK photo editing package called GIMP, I say that this package may have been the more likely candidate of usage here (as it is free and therefore can be afforded by those on the Dole)
Seldom has a package been so asppropriately named…
May 22nd, 2006 at 12:38 pm
man those rhymes he wrote… hard! man even i cant make every other 4 letter word end in the same sound!
but seriously.. the other day a 17 year old kid shot another one over a “car battle” (whose car was the coolest or some ****) now the other kids gunna fry in the electric chair. wow.. you’re cool, you kill someone then get fried, just because your car looked like ****.
all in all though, i cant really complain… just so long as they manage to kill all of eachother off, it would reduce the rational and sane populations taxes, not to mention raising property value and allow for higher education in schools. maybe instead of taking the guns OUT of the ghettos, we should start pumping them INTO the ghettos.
June 28th, 2006 at 8:54 pm
I can’t believe that anyone who would want to be taken seriously would TyPe LykE ThIs. (D*mn, that was hard!) This applies to rap groups/bands, or just people in general.
Don’t try to be hardcore by over capitalizing the words in your name. Even if it means something significant to you, no one else will get it. Lay off the Shift key. It never did anything to you.
August 2nd, 2006 at 6:26 pm
Alright, allow me to say off the bat that I am a fan of virtually all musical genres with the exception of what passes these days for “commercial rap.” However, what appears to bee missing in this entire conversation is that there is a world of underground (and actually quite well known and internationally popular)hip hop that offers the world the alternative. Its tragic that commercial rap exists and is so damn popular, and I’ve long felt like the shallow, materialistic, violent, and spiritually and ethically void nature of this trash is one of the elements that keeps black people in the ghettos (not to mention the gradual downfall of suburban white youth who are now also catching the bug and becoming stupider with every song). But there are quite a few intellegent and articulate hip hop heads out there who have something intelligent/artistic to add to the musical world, and do so in a style more reminiscent of spoken word than of conventional rap as most of you seem to know it today. I highly recommend giving a listen to Sage Francis, Atmosphere, Apathy, Tonedeff, et al. These guys actually have skill and art intertwined with lyrics over beats. By the way, the first two are white, and are probably two of the best “rappers” alive today, hands down. These men are poets, in the vein of Whitman, Poe, and Shakespeare. They don’t claim to be street-hardened, they just write, and write well. So before you all get on this self-righteous white people can’t rap and rap is **** pedestal of yours, examine that which is not easily found and you will find the results was well worth the search. Thank you for bearing with me on this lengthy tirade.
August 2nd, 2006 at 6:50 pm
Not to nitpick, but Slug is a quarter black. I think he mainly identifies himself as black, but his identity struggles are evident in his lyrics.
Read: http://citypages.com/databank/21/1022/article8787.asp
Regardless, all good acts, for sure. Don’t forget Del, Aceyalone, and my new personal favorite, Guru.
August 4th, 2006 at 9:09 am
You think there havent been great poets that reflected their shallow, materialistic, violent, and spiritually and ethically void nature in their works?
It’s not the subject of the work that makes commercial rap so horribly bland, it’s the lack of substance. Failure to actually say something about a topic or provoke emotion through the art. This is also where the downfall of the culture comes in because people are failing to realize the reasoning and history behind the art. People just want to be like these hollow, cookie cutter artists because that is what’s popular. The content and substance to the music no longer matters.
There are people of all races, influences, cultures, and levels of success in the rap game that still make music with substance. What kind of substance you are looking for is up to the listener. I liked Nutz’s mention of Guru because those artists with styles “more reminiscent of spoken word” are NOT the only worhtwhile hip hop artists left, and are certainly not the best “rappers” alive today. They are great artists, but alot of avid hip hop heads can tell you that, while they excel in some areas (poetic, thought provoking lyrics), they lack in others (general flow, production, etc.). Again, it’s all about what you are looking for or what feelings you like your music to provoke. It’s all about just looking past this fuggin mainstream garbage that is forced into your ears on a daily basis. You tell me what kind of hip hop you like and I guarantee I can name at least 5 artists worth listening to that you would never see on MTV.
August 4th, 2006 at 12:53 pm
It’s not a race issue. These guys just plain suck.
August 7th, 2006 at 6:43 am
Rap/ Hip-Hop music is mainstream music now and just like any mainstream music genre it has its underground; its posers; its vacuous soulless meaningless elements; its quality acts; its legends; its ignorant misguided and totally untalented individuals that will never see themselves for what the majority of us do. MOST PEOPLE know this, and, well- so what. Why not go pick on any other genre of music? Im no expert, but it has always seemed to me that Hip-Hop in essence is about telling the listener about the Rappers Experience and Life, so obviously fake, and untalented idiots like our subject whats-his-face are really annoying because they are lumped together with Music that is great made by awesome musicians and poets. But you know its like anything- any where you go in life there are idiots, and you know what its ok to hassle the **** out of them, they dont have to listen, its public domain, its not really their business what others think of them- it is their business how they project them selves. So layemdown, what are ya? Your a wanker! Back to the music- sometimes I just wanna hear a good beat and I dont care about the lyrics, I just want to hear something catchy- EVERTHING has its place, layemdowns place is in the basement of his moms house.