Daily Worst: DarkAndalusian
I think it’s pretty widely accepted that goth strippers + strange horse obsessions = AWESOME. Oh, look, here is just what I was looking for! It’s DarkAndalusian (thanks Ginger).
GnR rules. Your band does not.
This profile highlights one of the things that makes me most insane about MySpace: invisible music players!
If you can figure out how to turn of the nasally garage band sewage that this girl calls music, you win a donut, because I can’t. It’s bad enough being subjected to this crime scene, but we really could do without the poser Guns ‘n Roses soundtrack.
Laws of Ho-traction
Some people never cease to amaze me. Under “Who I’d Like to Meet”, DarkAndalusian states:
And if your profile pictures are of nothing but your “private parts” you will not only be denied, but blocked as well!! Do I have to say it again??? Don’t send me a request if you have nude pictures on your profile! I don’t want to see it, sorry! I’m sick of getting requests like that.
Gee, I wonder why guys like that would send her friend requests?
See, girls that actually go out and socialize have known this for years: the more you dress like a ho - especially a strange gothic ho - the more attention you will receive from d**chebags. I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s how it works.
Ladies, am I wrong?
Boo-dee-f**kin’-hoo
Look, I’m really sorry your life sucks. But it doesn’t belong in your public blog. Nobody wants to read about this. And I mean nobody. If you must bitch about how crappy everything is, at least make it funny, like Jon Stewart. Or Asshole Magnet.
Conclusions and Suggestions
No more music. No more goth hooker clothes. No more boo-hoo blogs. No no no! Bad goth! Bad!
March 20th, 2006 at 11:56 am
sick! this “stripper” looks like louie anderson tap danced on her face with sandpaper shoes.
March 20th, 2006 at 12:38 pm
wtf is that??
who tells these s1uts they look good?!?!
March 21st, 2006 at 6:57 am
Dig the self-portrait montage. I blame the digital camera for creating this new slew of bad self-portraiture — people pouting their lips and making sexy faces at the camera in their bathroom. *barfs*
March 21st, 2006 at 2:55 pm
You know there is some guy out there bragging to his friends that he hit that ****…that’s the real tragedy right here.
March 21st, 2006 at 3:36 pm
i blame an extra chromosome
March 21st, 2006 at 5:58 pm
i have a suggestion to get the music off…turn the speakers off or the volume on your comp down
March 21st, 2006 at 6:03 pm
This girl is seriously retarded. There should be a law against people like this being able to put themselves on the web. Also, not only does the music suck, but im really worried about her relationship with equines.. At one point she wrote “Why dont you love me anymore” to her horse. **** man, thats weird stuff. Urrr
March 21st, 2006 at 6:04 pm
Wowwwwwwwwwwwwww. THAT’S REALLY SMART! Thanks for that burst of insight and intellect. I appreciate you taking the time to use up my site’s pixels for such a wonderful addition to the collective conscience.
March 22nd, 2006 at 1:44 pm
no problem..just using common sense
March 22nd, 2006 at 1:59 pm
Right, because it makes sense that:
Have a nice day
March 22nd, 2006 at 3:50 pm
bwhahaha…what a fzckin moron
its always great when people don’t realize how fzckin stupid their comment is.
almost cute enough to kick them in the face with a lead boot.
March 22nd, 2006 at 5:13 pm
you people need to stop eating that pork…this ***** is HOT!
March 22nd, 2006 at 5:39 pm
you need to quit whackin it to animals
March 23rd, 2006 at 8:24 am
I wonder if she sings that ****** song to her horse? Maybe that song is the reason her horse doesn’t love her anymore.
March 23rd, 2006 at 12:21 pm
or at least animals without fur….that ish is gross
March 23rd, 2006 at 7:15 pm
What is it with whiny fat teenage girls with fantasy obsessions and their horses?
March 24th, 2006 at 3:46 am
The quickest and easiest way to stop the music from playing, since it is set as the background music for the page, is to wait for it to start playing and hit escape on you keyboard. This will also stop annoying animated gifs from playing on most pages.
March 25th, 2006 at 2:34 pm
Um, I don’t think people are annoyed because they can’t figure out how to turn down the crappy music. That’s not the point. But thanks for the super genius tips. We’re all amazed that someone would voluntarily put that sh*t on there page. Now, she’s obviously slower than the average retard. But she seems to be popular. She has 987 friends and I’m sure they’re all fighting to be in her top 8. But here’s what scares me; she is in a relationship. Now I’m going to take a wild guess and say that the hottie in the pic(yeah the one that looks like it might be her brother) is her man. There is a great possibility that these to may procreate. If this happens, that means fatter half naked pics of her playing her many guitars.
March 25th, 2006 at 11:33 pm
One look at that pic and I almost clawed my eyes out.
March 26th, 2006 at 10:03 am
The only way to turn off the invisible music players without affecting everything else is view it in IE. Even after the page is fully loaded, the “Stop” button for loading webpages is still active in the toolbar. Click that and bammo, the pukesic stops.
HTH,
CG
March 26th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
then if it is too complicated to use common sense, then maybe you shouldnt be invading people’s personal space and making fun of them..would you like them to do that to you?? i think not…so try to be more considerate and smart..use the sense you were born with and leave people alone
March 26th, 2006 at 6:40 pm
Let’s get one thing stright: MySpace profiles are publicly available information, intentionally made public by users. No one’s “personal space” is being invaded. Read MySpace’s Terms of Service if you’re confused.
Just because the Internet is vast doesn’t mean you are guaranteed any kind of privacy. If people don’t want to be made fun of, they should set their profile to be private or not publish personal information to the Internet.
It’s no different than taking a big sign telling all about you and sticking it out in front of your house - it is going to be commented on.
It’s not my fault people don’t understand the concept of the Internet. I also wouldn’t and don’t care if people make fun of me. I’m secure enough to not let that kind of stuff bother me.
As to your complex and well-formed “common sense” argument, all I have to say is there are people who get it, and there are people who don’t. You fall into the latter category.
I embrace free speech and debate, however, so please keep playing.
March 27th, 2006 at 11:03 am
did that **** just tell you to “leave people alone”? So let me get this straight: you came on his website, took the time to write him a message giving him motherly advice about being considerate or some horse *****, then told him to leave people alone? Sounds like you need to take your own advice you fuggin’ genius. If you dont want to be made fun of then dont make a self-absorbed public profile on the internet that displays all of your personal info. We make fun of these people for two reasons: 1) they deserve it (much like you deserve it when your boyfriend smacks you around for not having his turkey pot pie ready when he gets home from work) and 2) because it pisses stupid whorres like you off, which makes this whole site funnier on a whole other level. Congrats, you are a stupid, hypocritical ***** and you should be stuffed in a large UPS box and burried in a landfill.
March 28th, 2006 at 7:10 pm
Mr. Nutz:
Your site is hilarious. Just stumbled across it.
Can I ask why you are raking this Joni person over the coals for suggesting that you turn down your speakers? You talk about the long and laborious process of adjusting the volume on your computer as if it’s just as complicated as launching a rocket and twice as annoying. Don’t you have external speakers anyway?
I know, I know — Attaching external speakers!?#@!*!! That would require that:
* You earn or receive money, either via some sort of capitalistic endeavor, or by way of inheritance, successful wagering, or out-and-out thievery.
* You either deposit this money into an FDIC-insured bank account, requiring travel to the bank or the use of the Internet and pixels you value so highly, and on top of that most likely need to risk identity theft by applying for and/or maintaining a credit card.
* You then go the pains of arranging to transfer said money to a merchant of some sort — after spending God knows how long locating said merchant — in order to purchase external speakers.
* You carry this heavy burden home to your dwelling, or perhaps depend on expensive and unreliable postal or delivery services to transport the package to you.
* You open the box, risking all manner of paper cuts and other finger injuries.
* You remove the fragile contents, causing you great mental stress for fear of breaking them.
* You clamber all about your computer, searching frantically for a hole into which you can plug the speaker jack.
* You do this each and every time you want to attach a peripheral device to your computer.
You’re right — this crazy Joni chick just does not get it.
March 28th, 2006 at 7:40 pm
p.s. Who the hell is this Rosenblatt guy? He has a great imagination. I know nothing is funnier than slapping women around to piss them off before you kill and bury them. This is just your imagination, right? You don’t have a bunch of people in your refrigerator or anything, do you?
That’s all for now. I’ll just sit back and await the withering reply from someone cool and clever enough to name himself after a Fletch character.
Sincerely,
Daniel LaRussa
March 28th, 2006 at 9:26 pm
did this ********* seriously just type all that crap? g0ddamn….go rub one out you fuggin mouthbreather
March 28th, 2006 at 10:02 pm
First, thanks for reading.
Ok, so you ******* are going to make me write it out. Fine.
So the point is that it costs cognitive overhead. All day, every day, people have to deal with little annoying procedures like this, mainly caused by bad design. It adds up: it causes frustration and generally makes computers not fun or easy to use.
Analogy: Let’s say you’re driving along in your car and you get rear-ended by some careless dickhead. Is it common-sensical to say, “Well, I guess the burden is on me to not get rear-ended. So from now on, I’ll watch very closely in my rearview mirror for cars that might rear-end me.
Then, I’ll remember to leave a buffer space between me and the car in front.
Then if you I see a car coming that might hit me, I can move scoot forward a little bit and avoid the accident.”
Do you see? On the surface, a procedure like this is easy enough to perform and might make “common sense”, but with all the other things going on - steering, shifting, navigating, cell phone, radio, conversation, etc. - that demand your attention, who can or wants to mentally burden themselves with something like this?
It is simply cognitively overwhelming, and that leads to frustration, stress and lost productivity (and potentially an accident). And it could all be so simply avoided if the dickhead behind you just does what he’s supposed to do by being a conscious, judicious driver.
Therefore, hiding your music player and forcing me to **** around with my volume controls is something I shouldn’t have to go through, just like I shouldn’t have to burden myself with avoiding getting rear-ended at a stop light.
Google “usability”, “Alan Cooper”, and “Donald Norman” for more info.
March 29th, 2006 at 12:25 am
Mr. Nutz — it is interesting that you would adhere to such rigorous theories of usability and cognitive exhaustion while you spend your creative energies on something as relevant as a website/blog that devotes so much time to ridiculing the design flaws of others. Some people might call that ironic, or even hypocritical, in a meta sort of way. I wouldn’t — I think what you do is great, for the most part. But writing several long rants about the topic for the sake of torturing poor Joan looks like more that the 100 feet of cognitive breathing room you need to leave bewteen you and the next car.
In any event, far be it from me to impinge on your cell phone usage while driving. Google “cell phone,” “car,” and “horrendous crash” for more info.
March 29th, 2006 at 12:34 am
homeydaclown — your’re talking to me, right? (And by the way, what is this, an 80s revival meeting or something? Have you people watched any television or movies from the last 15 years?)
It took me about 5 minutes to write all that stuff — or in other words, half as long as it took you to read it.
Sorry — I will use words you can understand: Dang **********! Me typey long time! I know you hard to read all words, but it’s not hard for me to think, you fuggin dumm-azz. (And I’m the mouthbreather?)
I’m glad you have the stress release of “rubbing one out” whenever you feel like it. I was at work when I wrote all those big long sentences that freaked you out, and I tend not to sit at my desk rubbing anything. Where do you work?
March 29th, 2006 at 1:26 am
I guess I don’t follow. I’m a usability proponent and I criticize bad design. Is that something I’m not supposed to do? I don’t find the irony or hypocrisy in that. In fact, that’s what I do “in the real world.”
I guess I could sit around and point out good design, but I find it more fun and interesting to rip bad design.
As for “joan”, hey, sometimes I take the high road, sometimes I don’t. This clearly isn’t some open forum where people come to feel happy and special about themselves. Sometimes I just feel like ripping an ignorant goof a new *******.
Fine, I’m a ****. I make no claims otherwise.
Anyway, yeah, last time I tried talking on my cell and driving, I ran over a ******* bum. The cops don’t know about it yet, though, so let’s keep that between you, me and the Internet.
March 29th, 2006 at 9:32 am
Yes - hypocrisy isn’t the right word, and irony is a little better but still not quite right.
I just suppose that if the goal of good design is maximization of productivity and efficiency, a lot of people wouldn’t see publicly ridiculing horrible pages on MySpace as the quickest route to that goal.
To assume that you’re doing a lot to cut down on lost productivity here in the fake world, wouldn’t we first have to assume that people using MySpace leads to a net gain in productivity? That may be true — power of networking and all that — but if it’s not, and MySpace is just a humongous sinkhole for time, then you’d be better offer just encouraging people to stay the hell away from the site altogether.
March 29th, 2006 at 11:24 am
somebody get this man a plug for his bleeding slughole
March 29th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
This premise is flawed. Those aren’t the only goals of design, and that’s not what I’m arguing. Without getting philisophic on design, you could say that good design just makes life nicer.
Therefore, the rest of those points aren’t really valid, though I do agree that MySpace is a huge sinkhole for time. And this piece of ****, as well.
Despite the flaw, continuing: I think your argument is a bit twisted, but I now understand the percieved “irony” you mention. MySpacing may be a waste of time, but - due to human behavior - even if it was well-designed it would probably still be a waste of time. It would just piss people off a lot less.
March 29th, 2006 at 9:56 pm
shut the **** up
March 30th, 2006 at 12:01 am
You say my premise is flawed, but I thought it was your premise. I know the quote above is from your analogy and not your main argument, but you were the one who seemed to be implying that the reason to “fix” poorly designed systems and aesthetics was for the sake of efficiency.
Moving beyond that premise, wouldn’t your friends Cooper and Norman say that you present a false choice when you say good design might just make life nicer? As you suggest, good design may have many goals — aesthetic, sensual, and practical all at once. So I should have said “a goal” rather than “the goal.”
March 30th, 2006 at 12:06 am
Homey, just give me a shout when you can string together more than 8 words, and none of them are fuggin or slughole.
I don’t know who you are trying to impress, but whoever it is, you are failing. Miserably.
Can’t you see that Nutz and I are having a reasonably intelligent and interesting discussion here? Why don’t you go back to your tree fort and keep putting the moves on your little sister’s Barbie Doll? All that practice will pay off someday.
March 30th, 2006 at 2:59 am
Right, being cognitively overwhelmed causes frustration, stress and lost productivity. From this, wouldn’t it be rather weak induction to jump to the conclusion that “the goal of design is maximization of productivity and efficiency”? In any case, sorry you misunderstood.
There can be no false choice when I’ve provided no choices. I was simply stating that the goal of design is “to make life nicer.” It’s intentionally simplistic, so interpret that as you may with regards to visceral, behavioral or reflective design (Norman’s distinctions).
March 30th, 2006 at 5:00 am
matt- is that what you’re here for? to impress us all with your infinitesimal knowledge and pseudointelligent vocabulary? if so, YOU are failing miserably
at the end of the day, when you’re done playing e-commando, MrNutz > you
March 30th, 2006 at 8:45 am
Matt - I had to read about 2 paragraphs into your mind numbing posts to realize that you are an idiot….with a tiny weener. I also like how you follows your own posts by just posting again and again like the world is so anxious to read the donkey sh*t that spews forth from your being. I wish I could say i read all of what you posted, but in all honesty reading the crap you write is excruciating….kind of jamming sewing needles into my retinas. I expect that this post will be followed by no less than 3 seperate posts by you, all of which contain large strings of sizable words desperately strung together in an attempt to trick people into thinking you are either funny or smart. You are neither…and I imagine probably really fat too, with a body odor similar to that of steamed brocolli. Oh, and please dont respond attacking my grammar or ability to form a complete thought…youve pretty much already ran that comeback right into the ground…just like your self esteem.
March 30th, 2006 at 10:48 am
^— Haha! Good ****.
March 30th, 2006 at 11:26 pm
You guys think I am the pseudo-intelligent one? It’s your friend Nutz who’s throwing around the Sophomore English term paper critique of my “weak induction,” and desparately clinging to slim semantic arguments to try and score points from manufactured disagreements. Next you will be telling me that it all depends on what the definition of is is.
Anyway, I don’t think we had any real disagreement here, but it’s obvious that your cheerleader friends would rather shake their pom-poms, dream of exotic body odors, and plot their revenge against the women they’d like to bury in landfills than hurt their heads by reading.
Homey, I wasn’t here to impress anybody. I was here to read the funny profiles that Nutz does, and then I asked him why he was so outraged by common sense Joni. Then you opened your mouth and started burping out something about fuggin slugholes, and I just kind lost interest. You must get that a lot. Anyway though, I got to give you your props — that was a great comeback. “YOU are failing miserably.” Boy, I’ll never recover from that one. I’m just glad you din’t pull out “I am rubber, you are glue.” Not as glad as everyone would have been if your drunken daddy had pulled out or used rubber, but still glad.
Dr. Rosenblat - First let me say that I’ve never tried to imagine how big your wiener is. It’s kind of funny that was the first thought to leap into your head about me. Tell me, how does a large-wienered man write his opening 2 paragaphs?
Or on second thought, don’t bother. I will leave you alone now with your vicious little thoughts, and let you get back to your sewing in peace. I am obviously no match for you guys here in the Self Appreciation Club, where making fun of SEXYREDMAMI951’s grammar is hilarious but making fun of homeydaclown’s is donkey sh*t.
Regardless, my self esteem is just fine. How’s yours doing back there, as you hide behind your cowardly little nicknames and giggle at each other’s jokes? You’re so smart, huh? What have you done? Maybe I am way off base here and you really are a doctor or a professor. Or maybe you are one of those misunderstood genius types who knows that credentials and diplomas are just for squares. So what have you written? Where can I buy your books or your records, or admire your paintings? You are a true artist. You must be an awfully impressive guy, writing hateful notes on a meaningless website while you wish you had the courage to smack around your own girlfriend instead of just fantasizing about it.
March 30th, 2006 at 11:50 pm
Wow. That’s a lot of words. Too bad I’m not going to read past the first paragraph.
When you engage (writhing and spinning) in a logical argument and then criticize the other guy for using simple, straight-forward logic (not trying out things from the glossary like “false choice”), you’ve pretty much just asked for the check.
And for the record, those guys make me ******* laugh. That goes a much longer way in my book than “intellect.”
Also for the record, Bill Clinton could talk a woman in white gloves into buying a ketchup popsicle (and giving him head). He is my idol.
March 31st, 2006 at 12:32 am
I wasn’t engaging in any argument at all, writhing and spinning like your gay porn friends or otherwise. I thought it was funny (not funny ha ha, but funny the other way) that you would first talk about the horrors of little annoying procedures that cause frustration and decrease productivity, and then start fencing with me and taking all manner of defensive stances to make it seem like you never made any definitive claims about productivity and efficiency. It was all my fault, right? i’m just to thesaurus-dependent and too illogical to comprehend your subtle arguments about safe driving distances and getting it in the rear end.
Good design can both increase productivity and make life nicer. Would you agree with that simple statement, or do you have to play at being the contrarian 100% of the time?
If increasing productivity is generally a good thing, if not the only good thing in life by any stretch, then is it just the least bit counterintuitive that you would spend a lot of time critiquing something that you agreed was a huge sinkhole?
Do you think it hurts my feelings that you (pretend) you will not read past the first paragraph Whatever man. See you later. You win. I am just a fake intellectual. I didn’t go to good schools — or if I did, the experience was wasted on me. I don’t have a good life and wonderful children. I’m not a nice person. I smell like broccoli, and I make misogynistic cowards on your site resort to all manner of canned insults. In short, I am just a loser not good enough to even speak to the alpha male and his lap dogs at worstofmyspace.
And for the record, if Bill Clinton is your idol, why are you and your friends always whining about long posts and lots of words? Bill liked to talk too, if memory serves.
March 31st, 2006 at 5:08 am
lolzzzzzzzzz
your long winded replies only reassure us all that you stay up at night contemplating your next round of internet battle.
you took someone being made the *** of a joke way too seriously and thought you’d play captain save-a-stupid-hoe. humor is not your strongsuit, but you wear that extra chromosome quite well.
my grammar….lolzzlolzz…what exactly made you cry about my grammar? lack of capitalization? get a kleenex from your bra and stfu already.
March 31st, 2006 at 8:40 am
Christ man, take a fuggin’ hint. First there is no way in hell i am even going to begin reading the novel you posted in response to my incredibly witty (and might i add hilarious) post. Im sure your response was incredibly insightful and full of laughs and life lessons, but i just dont have the courage to put my eyes and mind through that kind of abuse.
Let me just say this: I’m so glad I’m better than you.
March 31st, 2006 at 10:19 pm
It is my personal opinion that the comments have been just as funny, if not more, than the actual post .
I thought I’d just share that.
Ps: Can’t we all just get along? What does it matter who smells or spells like what?
April 1st, 2006 at 10:32 am
Those invisible music players piss me off.
April 1st, 2006 at 4:20 pm
/\–good point.
April 2nd, 2006 at 11:52 am
I rather enjoyed the long winded complaints. Exactly what are people thinking when they make a myspace page?
Scratch that, if they are on myspace, they don’t think.
NutZy (a female version…scary)
April 2nd, 2006 at 12:14 pm
DOH! Whoda thunk typing anything BUT my website URL would make me a ‘take a guess’ linkin dork. I just put myself at a myspace level. Oh Joy
NutZy
April 16th, 2006 at 6:50 pm
Dude. How old is she? 14?
Plus, she’s pretty nasty.
I threw up in my mouth a little.
April 17th, 2006 at 4:44 am
Adblock is bliss, wey to make sure I never hear your band on the web again… also check out the image of her half dressed complete with caption over the bra top directly above the bleating about receiving pics of men’s private parts as friend requests…
“I CAN HAVE ANY MAN I DON’T WANT”
Love, only men you don’t want will be attracted to that image, I wish I friended her before I friended Mr Nutz just so I could tell her that. A 22 year old should know better.
April 17th, 2006 at 8:54 am
Yeah, 22 and she’s still stuck on this bulls*it goth/fairy tale nonsense. Her kids wont even have a fuggin’ chance.
April 19th, 2006 at 8:52 am
There’s plenty people far older than 22 who sup in a pub called Trillians in Newcastle-upon-Tyne and they’re all still dressing in black with leather (and sometimes PVC) I don’t believe they go the Gothic way per se (that’s left to the bairns who hang out on the Green - a piece of grass in the City Centre officially known as Old Eldon Square, next to Eldon Square, a large shopping mall in the city)
I’ve supped there myself inthe past, don’t go regular though. I end up looking like Robert De Niro’s character in “The King of Comedy”
April 20th, 2006 at 9:10 am
Is there plenty of people 22 or older who could pull off looking like Mister Bean in drag with such flair though?
May 3rd, 2006 at 12:37 pm
HAHA! I think I would rather see people naked than her half dressed.
May 4th, 2006 at 12:28 am
Here’s how *I* remove annoying media on myspace.
http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/3299
Well, actually, I don’t go to myspace, so I don’t need it. But if I did, I’d use it. You can e-mail me for my postal address to send donuts, if you feel so inclined.
May 11th, 2006 at 9:06 am
“Collective Conscience”–why, Mr. Nutz, I beleive you’ve just proved yourself to have a signficant philosophical background…nice choice of words..
this is two months old…so most likely, nobody will ever read this. Basically, I’m talking to myself right now…unless, a possiblity exists?
May 12th, 2006 at 7:01 pm
She hot.. me lika she much
This one much worse…
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=20324209
May 19th, 2006 at 12:56 pm
That is the homliest girl I’ve ever seen. Who is she kidding?
May 22nd, 2006 at 12:27 pm
wow that matt fool needs to get off his high horse and return to being a good sheep… go back to myshame.
June 8th, 2006 at 10:30 pm
hmm… apparently you are way way way too critical about other ppl’s musical tastes. wtf do u think she would say about ur “good” music. ppl have thier own likes. why should you care
June 9th, 2006 at 8:20 am
hmm…apparently you are an idiot. The purpose of this site is to be critical.
Moral of the story: You’re awesome.
….wait….I mean NOT awesome.
….f*ck.
June 13th, 2006 at 1:01 pm
Ha, fighting over the internet is like racing at the special olympics, who cares if you win, your still f**king retarded. ( AM ON NUTZ’S SIDE THE WHOLE WAY THOUGH )
June 16th, 2006 at 9:57 am
hahah dip dip dip i guess someone’s really ****** now
who? everybody!
b/c im a ******. ur a ******. but it doesnt matter, b/c in the end we’re all ******! so who cares!!!
September 26th, 2006 at 11:51 am
Mr Nutz: I love this site and I hate myspace. I also hate these comment turds. I swear I can’t read comments anymore without seeing these idiots trying to sound smart or scold someone. ******* *****.
May 21st, 2007 at 7:42 am
dr rosenblat is my fave