Daily Worst: Cowboy
[First, I just want to compliment some of you for being complete suckers and falling for my April Fool’s prank. Worst is not shutting down (at least not yet) and my name isn’t Mick. I’m not a washed-up hair-rocker-looking dude, I don’t wear a medallion (except on Vegas trips), and I’m especially not apologizing to anyone.
And yes, I still hate you and your terrible design skills.]
Speaking of terrible design skills, lookie here what we got ourselves today: Cowboy (thanks Mrs. Gary Busey). Yeehaw!
But not just any cowboy. Noooo, boy! We got us a fanatical Jesus cowboy, complete with enough flashing Jesus trinkets to buy the better part of a continent from some stupid indigenous heathens!
When trying too hard to not be gay, is gay
So, I don’t know if this page is some kind of ham-handed overreaction to Brokeback Mountain, or what. But it’s so overdone and ridiculous and … fabulous that, in a way, it’s come full circle and now really looks, well, gay. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
Yeah, that’ll show them crazy queers! A flashing pink bling Jesus marquee! It’ll be like garlic to a vampire!
I mean, look at that background image: it’s the Eiffel Tower at night, for chrissakes. Paris? The City of Liiiiiiiiii-ights? Fabulous!
Please enjoy this weird photo
of Cowboy’s wife with her
boob hanging out about
30 years ago.
And God, wouldn’t the French sh*t a buttery little croissant if they saw what Cowboy has done here, juxtaposing the likes of Reno, Nevada on top of their beloved capital? It wouldn’t surprise me if they mobilized their Jerry Lewis clone army against us.
Look mom! It’s raining Jesus!
Everyone sure does love a good Jesus storm, don’t they?
Boy, the Jesus is really coming down in buckets! Hope the basement doesn’t flood with Jesus! I love the sound of Jesus pattering on the roof at night; puts me right to sleep.
Yeah, the stupid raining things - smileys or <3 or Jesus or what-f*cking-ever - have got to go. It looks stupid and it was cool for a day back in 1997, so listen up you little 90’s-born turds:
It’s played out.
Back when you were first discovering you had a pee-pee, the rest of us were trying out this inane page decoration and discovering that it sucked. Not only is it cheezier than an episode of Blossom, it also has the effect of rendering some links useless in the Firefox browser, which the majority of us sane people have switched to by now.
I don’t know what Cowboy’s excuse is, but any more of that Jesus rain and there’s going to be a flash-Jesus-flood down the damn Champs-Elysées. And you know what that means: there might actually be a few minutes in Paris where there isn’t dog sh*t all over the sidewalks!
Ba-dum-dum! Thanks, I’ll be here all night.
Conclusions and Suggestions
Might be trying a little too hard with the Jesus thing. I hate the French, though, so keep that image in the background.
Learn how to edit: pick your one favorite Jesus bling and only use that. No more raining anything. More photos of your wife from back in the day. It’s weird, but I find it strangely … erotic.
Like Prince.
April 3rd, 2006 at 8:14 am
Wow, I just feel bad for Jesus now. This is like the fat kid that eats his own scabs telling everyone in your 4th grade class that he’s your best friend. You cant really hate him because you suppose his intentions are good but you still know he’s not doing your rep any justice.
April 3rd, 2006 at 8:48 am
It has embedded music and I can’t find the player
Die NOW you b’stard!
April 3rd, 2006 at 8:49 am
Thank goodness you provided an archived snapshot; I couldn’t get the page to load.
April 3rd, 2006 at 12:55 pm
Ok, I cranked up the volume & unless I suddenly became deaf, I didn’t hear any music… Are you sure it wasn’t jesus talking to you Geo? Maybe a choir of Angels?…
Anywho, what is with the freakin raining crap? That was cute back when little javascript built snowflakes adorned a website for Christmas, but for **** sakes that **** is too much.
The only time I want to be using a religious word will be during a fantastic session of ….
NutZy
April 3rd, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Ok the raining jesus has now affected me….. suddenly there was music. Can I have a puke smiley here somewhere?
That’s it, time to get off the net…
NutZy
(Thinking of danglies)
April 3rd, 2006 at 2:50 pm
welp, just goes to show you really can marry animals in kentucky
April 3rd, 2006 at 9:03 pm
yay for hippy boobs and pool…and shooting whatever ****** came up with the idea to have rain on websites…
April 6th, 2006 at 9:48 am
I think this profile made me sh*t blood. Think I can sue?
April 6th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
Well I wanna thank the person that posted this for probably the greatest complement I could have on the internet. Because if my webpage sturs up satan this much and gets this much reaction out of him then my webpage is doing exactly what i intended it to do. And if it makes your alls god upset I’m not sorry. So may my god bless you and thank you for the complement.
April 6th, 2006 at 5:15 pm
Only if you make a myspace profile graphically proving your claim I think Dr.
April 7th, 2006 at 4:28 am
Satan stirring? What kind of spoon do I use?? Let me find my cauldron!
Bah!
dolt
April 7th, 2006 at 7:57 am
Stirs up Satan?
yeah, either Satan or a bunch of bored kids that find your page humorously horrid. One of those two definitely though.
Believe it or not, your page is not a target for its desperately christian theme. It’s more the fact that your page and the information contained within causes severe hemeraging in the eyes, brain, and as*hole. I had to stuff a bunch of napkins in my crack to keep from ruining my good slacks.
Moral of the story: People know youre a christian, get over yourself.
April 7th, 2006 at 12:01 pm
Please, Jesus is just some fool I made up and put on a drive-in theater screen to make all you humans kill eachother for the whole of your existence.
April 7th, 2006 at 12:39 pm
/\–really?!
surely there must be some kind of program that i can join in which they rob me of my money and ability to think rationally in order to make me a better person. Sometimes i get this really wierd feeling like I am posessed the souls of volcano dwelling alien beings. Kind of makes it burn when i pee.
Anyway, have any suggestions?
April 7th, 2006 at 1:44 pm
cowboy makes baby jesus cry
:(
April 8th, 2006 at 1:04 am
Well iam happy to be what you call a christian and as for getting over myself i didn’t ask you to comee to my space.and i see you have been put to many napkin some place just goes to show what you are full of and as for friends you haven’t been to my space and checked out my friend have you.and as for make jesus cry we know who is doing that. but Just the same may my god bless you all and have a good day
April 8th, 2006 at 1:23 am
got engrish????
jesus told me to tell you to quit logging on to the interwebs and making a fool out of him.
April 8th, 2006 at 1:27 am
Ooh, looks like the ghey Christian is swinging his Handbag of Righteousness!
Let’s get one thing clear, Satan DESIGNED your webpage, Cowboy.
The JavaScript raining “Jesus” that were elected lame back in 1996 when they crashed Netscape Navigator the world over the Lord of the Flies put those there himself. It’s Our Lord And Saviour’s Name being taken in vain a million times a minute and then cursed a thousand times over as the computers of the righteous freeze for a good minute and your page doth smite their screens with the deadliest blue.
The spangly Jesus avatars are the false prophets of the internets, with every twinkling pink crucifix, every sparkly JESU, Satan smiles, for it makes him happy.
May the fiery demons of hell reclaim what is rightfully theirs.
April 8th, 2006 at 6:36 am
I thought that was bad, but then I found this: http://myspace.com/xxxteam_fatexxx
April 8th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
Hey Doc -
I think you know where to go. My boy L. Ron (not really dead) is sliding a share of the profits to me under my intergalactic prison cell - so by all means, join up!
April 8th, 2006 at 3:58 pm
Well all i have to say i would hate to see your suite.And if you don’t like my don’t come back.I will not mis.you at all.
April 8th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
i wonder if retards know they’re retarded
April 9th, 2006 at 3:25 am
He’s dissing my furniture!
How dare he!
Upon my suite sits the arse of the LORD!
April 9th, 2006 at 3:33 am
Rob, that’s just a typical unreadable teenager’s site with a typical, unreadable teenager’s nick.
First off is the completely unnecessary JavaScript popup “Try not to splode anything” and also he has absolutely no inkling as to what a background image is supposed to be. I’m not even going to try reading any of the text on there.
Not to mention the utterly predictable image of Mariliyn Manson complete with copyright message right across the front meaning he’s so cheap and thick that he’s twocing previews from mobile wallpaper sites (you know, the ones that charge you £1.99 for a tiny JPEG that you could make yourself with Google Images and *MSPaint*, FFS) the utterly predictable Sh!tknot track (a MySpace stable, right up there with Insane Clown Posse)
He has absolutely nothing to say.
April 9th, 2006 at 8:59 pm
I have to say a warning to people…when I looked on his MySpace page it tried to download some random Spyware crap on my computer which I then had to spend an hour ensuring it was OFF MY SYSTEM.
So I wouldn’t suggest viewing this loser’s page.
April 10th, 2006 at 8:41 am
All praise to Xenu, for he will help you to design the best web page in this galaxy or the next……..for only $30,000.
April 11th, 2006 at 12:46 am
Blessed are ye when mem shall hate you and when they shall separate you from ther company and shall reproach you and cast out your name as evil for the son of man’s sake
April 11th, 2006 at 1:05 am
Sake bombs are fun.
April 11th, 2006 at 6:27 am
Thou shalt not make a webpage that is offensive to your neighbour and thou shalt not crash place malware on your neighbour’s computer, for spreading malware is a deadly sin and thou shalt burn in HELL for all of thine days.
The Book of GeoNorth 26:10
April 11th, 2006 at 8:54 am
fzck religion
April 11th, 2006 at 9:39 am
Umm, I’ve decided that you, my friend, are Cowboy. I think you spent a week lovingly designing that page so you’d have something to write about.
April 11th, 2006 at 1:39 pm
No, cowboy, we dont hate you.
We hate your hideous taste and poor design capabilities. You can stop making a cyber-martyr out of yourself now. Oh, and please believe Xenu will return. When his $500,000,000 mark has been met.
April 11th, 2006 at 5:33 pm
An interesting article about MySpace http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/4898526.stm
April 11th, 2006 at 5:42 pm
Man, can you stop needing to ‘moderate’ me after a 4 day quiet time? I don’t even feel man-handled. What’s the net coming to….
April 11th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
I rather like this quote if you dig a bit more into the articles of the original buy-out “And most importantly, Myspace has detailed logs of its users’ preferences, online behaviour and personal information.”
All those detailed profiles…..
Or how about…..
“Last month, two men were arrested in the US over sex charges after they allegedly used MySpace to meet two girls aged 11 and 14.”
Add that to your religious site cowboy
sick freaks
enuff said
April 12th, 2006 at 3:52 pm
cowboy…u have made ur point…u dont want ppl making fun of you or jesus…thr not making fun of jesus…they are saying that you dont have to go all out when you believe in him…am i a christian?…yes…but if you ever find my myspace…u wont see me avertising it like a used ink cartrige…one thing that i have learned from my years is to just let it go…its not important…are you going to let these people run ur life?? i would hope not…just let it go…god will love you just the same…myspace is a public site, anyone is free to and browse the users…you are taking a HUGE risk by putting all of your information on there of getting made fun of…if ya dont like it, set your profile to private, or delete it…
April 12th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
cowboy,
what does looking at your friends have anything to do with your myspace…i looks like a lot of ****** girls…there is a word out there that describes people like you…its called hypocrite and reading more into your myspace i figure i might need to define that for you…”a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion”…nobody likes a hypocrite
April 13th, 2006 at 4:43 am
I’m so sick of Cowboy. Where is the next offender?
April 13th, 2006 at 5:14 am
Good grammar is the sign of the Devil by the looks of things…
And I love it when “Christians” fail to follow their own Holy Book (”Judge not lest ye be judged”)
Anyroad, onto Utterley-Nutz and her link to the BBC (btw: MySpace is owned by the same organisation that called the BBC anti-American liars and endlessly questions the validity of the British TV Licence, which funds the BBC. The BBC and the owner of MySpace get on like a house on fire) Those detailed profiles could very well be the reason why Mr Murdoch paid all those millinos for MySpace. All those marketing opportunities… and the cool factor fo MySpace to go with… but I wouldn’t trust my personal details to someone who I wouldn’t trust to make watchable television)
April 13th, 2006 at 3:16 pm
Wait, people still watch television?? The atrocity! What’s the world coming to?
April 13th, 2006 at 3:22 pm
Seriously, when is this ******* going to update Worst of MySpace?
April 14th, 2006 at 6:18 am
/\–Probably never, he doesnt care about the feelings of others.
April 15th, 2006 at 3:21 pm
i just stumbled across this site and DAmn u guys seriously have nothing to do..
April 15th, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Ok, and you were so busy that you….stumbled across this site, and then found the time to comment. Hmmmmmm
Oh Dr Rosenblat?!
April 17th, 2006 at 8:51 am
i just stumbled across your post and damn i wish otters would gnaw your nipples off. Sorry we dont all devote hours a day to crying while we masturbate like blah up there, we’d much rather make fun of smarmy f*cks like you…..fa*got.
April 20th, 2006 at 6:52 am
you cannot shut the music off, because of this
that is the music. it is embeded into the code, so its in the background.
May 6th, 2006 at 11:48 pm
Cowboy, do you think that Jesus really died for this? Died so you can make a site so horrid, that it is making me want to convert to Satan Worshipping? I think not >:(
May 13th, 2006 at 10:05 am
OMG, poor Jesus, that profile is shameful.
June 22nd, 2006 at 7:47 pm
You know what’s even worse? The number of people on MySpace who actually claim to be Jesus-freaks.
June 28th, 2006 at 10:52 pm
Ugh. This guy’s profile is currently even worse than the archived snapshot. It seriously is enough to make the eyes bleed and to trigger the gag reflex many, many times over.
I’m not a christian, but I’ve noticed about so many christians is a compulsive need to over-advertise. Why is this, I wonder? Are they afraid their god will smite them if they feature only 99 glittering crucifixes on their site instead of 100? (lol)
June 28th, 2006 at 10:56 pm
Just to add to my above comment, no offense intended towards christians or their beliefs.
It’s the just over-advertising like this which draws my negative response.
July 8th, 2006 at 10:35 pm
It sickens me how the people like Cowboy will call themselves followers of their “christ” yet act like the same people (the Pharisees) whom their christ got onto. The Pharisees prayed in the streets, had everyone witness their giving of alms, wore boxes with Torah parchments on their heads, disfigured their faces while fasting, and in general wanted to be greatly seen by men as holy people. The “christ” called such people a generation of vipers and hypocrites.
July 17th, 2006 at 1:32 am
^^^
July 17th, 2006 at 10:48 am
/\/\good point. f@g.
October 17th, 2006 at 5:38 pm
Grandfathers and Myspaces, don’t mix.
January 18th, 2007 at 5:48 am
What is WRONG with you people???
So,The guys a christian.Which is a good thing,we need more christians in the world.I don’t care how ANYONE responds to this message,I just have to say this:
Jesus was born to save us from hell!f he hadn’t been born,then everyone would go to hell!In hell,you’re burning and burning,you hear crys of pain and despair everywhere,but you can’t see anyone.You’d be all by yourself.You’d beg God for mercy,crying that you’re sorry,but it would be too late.But,before you die,you can pray and say you’re sorry for sinning and that you want Jesus to come into your heart.Then you get to go to heaven,with streets of gold and the crystal sea and people are singing,glorifying God.I don’t know about you guys,but i prefer a crystal sea to a lake of fire.But hear this:God loves everyone!Even the very worst person.There isn’t anyone he doesn’t love.He is FULL of love!And Klint,some people CALL themselves christians,but they really aren’t.If you don’t want to go to hell,then please follow my advise.And yes,I’m a christian too,and I’m proud of it.So stop this making fun of Jesus,labeling cowboy as gay,and sticking you’re noses in the air to christians.Because this is who we are,and this is who you are,so stop making fun of christians!
January 18th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Yeah.I agree with the other sarah.lol.
January 18th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
OMG i am craving chocolate!
January 19th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
I’m STILL craving chocolate.lol.Don’t know what the point of this message is but anyway…
January 24th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
This made my computer slow down to the speed of.. stopping.
February 2nd, 2007 at 3:25 pm
ok i was just serchn the web and i saw this u rock cowboy idk who u r but dont stop spredn the word of God, o and wen u guys talk about God show some respect and capitalize His name, because He is the true God l8r!!!!!!!!
March 15th, 2007 at 10:38 am
I’d like to kick this Cowboy guy’s teeth in just for being a total dipshit. One of my fans mistakenly thought this guy was MY Cowboy.
For the record, my husband (aka Cowboy) does NOT have a MySpace, is not a Jesus freak and there are no pics out there of me playing pool with my **** hanging out.
As Jesus loving chick named Sarah, I’m going to go ahead and disagree with you. Religion is a farce by which people control each other. More Christians just means more delusional twits that annoy the non-delusional twits.