Daily Worst: SMooTHFeLLaS® Joey Blue Eyes
I think today’s Worst has gotten some publicity elsewhere on the Internets, but I’m lazy and I’ll post pretty much anything, especially body-hairless, label whoring prepubescent posers, like SMooTHFeLLaS® Joey Blue Eyes!
Tony Soprano hates you
First, this little b*tch is NOT 18. Sadly, his profile is set to private now so you don’t get the joy of viewing the photos of the peach fuzz he’s sculpted into the “thin beard” look. I don’t know what that’s called, but it sucks. You can just make out his lip gloss, though.
You also don’t get the benefit of hearing the kind of terrible trance music that makes you want to bomb Germany (again) for ever inventing the sh*t.
Kid, you’re lucky Tony Soprano seems to have a soft spot for alternative lifestyles. Otherwise, I’m sure he would slap your pouty, glistening little boy-chops right off your face and into a big-ass pot of spaghetti.
And then feed it to his paisanos.
Hookahs not goombas
To really get the full experience, you need to check out Joey Blue Eyes’ doofus friends, Giuliano Gorgeous and Terenzino Stunning, all pouty-lipped label whores as well. You know, I’m not so sure they’re even Italian. In fact, they look distinctly Middle Eastern, especially in this photo of the three of them.
Plus, I’ve been to Italy, man. Italians are hot and sexy, and they don’t dress like wannabe pimps or aspiring track stars. They dress like they’re in a goddamn Armani fashion show 24/7. And none – and I mean none – of them would ever, ever, ever sport that jacked-looking thin beard. It reminds me of those ugly-ass women that shave off their eyebrows and then draw them back in all thin and nasty.
In Itay, you could be burnt alive at the stake in front of a crowd of drunken, reveling peasants for that. The Italians do not f*ck around when it comes to fashion.
Real, everyday Italians. I am not kidding. (nymag.com)
Even the cops are sexy as hell in Italy. I swear to Jeebus, mass-murderers stop cold and let cops arrest them because it would simply be a fashion disaster if the cops got their clothes dirty.
Florida: The Joke State
I especially enjoy the fact that these guys are all from Florida, but fronting like they know anything about New York. I’d love to see one of these butt monkeys walk around in the Bronx sporting that look.
Okay, I’ve never been to the Bronx, either, but I’ve read Bonfire of the Vanities, and that must give me at least +1 over Tweedle Akhmed, Tweedle Muhammad and Pouty, Jr.
I guess I can give these guys some props for having the audacity to try to be so sweet. But, man, shave those pubes off your face. Stop wearing lip gloss, headbands and track suits. No more label whoring, especially for your background image.
And come out of the closet about your real ethnic background, all of you. Don’t be ashamed that you’re related to The Terrorists™. There’s nothing wrong with that, except that hating America is in your blood and all your phone and electronic communications will be monitored by George W. Bush himself.