Daily Worst: SMooTHFeLLaS® Joey Blue Eyes
I think today’s Worst has gotten some publicity elsewhere on the Internets, but I’m lazy and I’ll post pretty much anything, especially body-hairless, label whoring prepubescent posers, like SMooTHFeLLaS® Joey Blue Eyes!
Tony Soprano hates you
First, this little b*tch is NOT 18. Sadly, his profile is set to private now so you don’t get the joy of viewing the photos of the peach fuzz he’s sculpted into the “thin beard” look. I don’t know what that’s called, but it sucks. You can just make out his lip gloss, though.
Lip gloss!
You also don’t get the benefit of hearing the kind of terrible trance music that makes you want to bomb Germany (again) for ever inventing the sh*t.
Kid, you’re lucky Tony Soprano seems to have a soft spot for alternative lifestyles. Otherwise, I’m sure he would slap your pouty, glistening little boy-chops right off your face and into a big-ass pot of spaghetti.
And then feed it to his paisanos.
Not real Italians.
Hookahs not goombas
To really get the full experience, you need to check out Joey Blue Eyes’ doofus friends, Giuliano Gorgeous and Terenzino Stunning, all pouty-lipped label whores as well. You know, I’m not so sure they’re even Italian. In fact, they look distinctly Middle Eastern, especially in this photo of the three of them.
Plus, I’ve been to Italy, man. Italians are hot and sexy, and they don’t dress like wannabe pimps or aspiring track stars. They dress like they’re in a goddamn Armani fashion show 24/7. And none - and I mean none - of them would ever, ever, ever sport that jacked-looking thin beard. It reminds me of those ugly-ass women that shave off their eyebrows and then draw them back in all thin and nasty.
In Itay, you could be burnt alive at the stake in front of a crowd of drunken, reveling peasants for that. The Italians do not f*ck around when it comes to fashion.
Even the cops are sexy as hell in Italy. I swear to Jeebus, mass-murderers stop cold and let cops arrest them because it would simply be a fashion disaster if the cops got their clothes dirty.
Florida: The Joke State
I especially enjoy the fact that these guys are all from Florida, but fronting like they know anything about New York. I’d love to see one of these butt monkeys walk around in the Bronx sporting that look.
Okay, I’ve never been to the Bronx, either, but I’ve read Bonfire of the Vanities, and that must give me at least +1 over Tweedle Akhmed, Tweedle Muhammad and Pouty, Jr.
Analysis
I guess I can give these guys some props for having the audacity to try to be so sweet. But, man, shave those pubes off your face. Stop wearing lip gloss, headbands and track suits. No more label whoring, especially for your background image.
And come out of the closet about your real ethnic background, all of you. Don’t be ashamed that you’re related to The Terrorists™. There’s nothing wrong with that, except that hating America is in your blood and all your phone and electronic communications will be monitored by George W. Bush himself.
April 20th, 2006 at 5:17 am
dont forget the waxed eyebrows!!!!!
its a sad day when guys wear more make up and primp themselves more than women. they’ll sprout a mangina in no time
worst.trend.ever
April 20th, 2006 at 5:45 am
genius yet again, WorstOf. And 100% agreed on the Italians bit.
April 20th, 2006 at 6:08 am
hahaha f*cking wanna be jersey guidos. So much material here….I….I dont even know where to begin. Its like on the 7th day God had cramps because of the some undercooked meatloaf they had for lunch in heaven and he took huge, crampy dump onto the earth creating this kid’s (and his friend’s) first ancestor. Through the years they devised ways to spruce themselves up (ex. use of make up, waxing their entire bodies, intricate facial hair designs) yet, on the inside they are still the s*ittiest human beings ever created. Now there is little man kind can do to exterminate these children born of the crampiest poo the earth has ever known. We can start by pinning them to the ground and taking cheese graters to their woman-like faces.
April 20th, 2006 at 9:15 am
they look kind of like the ghottis.
did they steal pictures? ah. anyways.
I hate men who TRY to look better than me. Damn *****.
You are the best, Worst Of.
April 20th, 2006 at 11:12 am
wow! that was freaking hilarious and made my day. good one!!
April 20th, 2006 at 11:30 am
I think you might have just exposed a sleeper cell.
Well done!
xxx
Ma
April 20th, 2006 at 2:29 pm
The closest these guys get to guidos is when they have to mow their grandmas lawn, she lives next to a guy that once visited Jersey. What a bunch of posing posers.
April 20th, 2006 at 6:20 pm
b-o-r-i-n-g
Come on Mr. Nutz, that booze binge really must have killed some cells, that actually made me yawn.
hehe
April 20th, 2006 at 8:30 pm
Eh, I can’t be on all the time. Anyway, all that bullshit flirting distracted me.
April 20th, 2006 at 8:34 pm
Hey, I’m innocent, check the halo, though it just might double as a **** ring…..
April 20th, 2006 at 8:40 pm
Ok you know what’s scary, (rhetorical question) just for ***** & giggles I made an account, and that dolt “tom” just sticks himself on there as your friend by default. I mean seriously, he needs to log off the computer….indefinitely
April 20th, 2006 at 8:44 pm
Oh this is, um, grand.. I wondered where all the bonbons disappeared to….
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=21417685
Horny yet Mr. Nutz?
April 20th, 2006 at 8:52 pm
Ok this one needs a caption..
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=49323284
*do these pants make my a$$ look fat?*
gawd, I should go to bed..
April 20th, 2006 at 8:56 pm
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! She even left “Tom” as her friend… I’m dyin
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=56259170
That’s it! Bed for me!
April 21st, 2006 at 1:59 am
I left Tom on there as a friend, just in case there might be something useful popping up, like status reports on the MySpace site, up and coming improvements, that kind of thing… perhaps he realised there’s so much stuff he’d need to do to get MySpace halfway workable that he’s just given up…
I think the last (only) message I got from him was some “cool” (well… cool by MySpace standards) bands playing something somewhere… or being recorded on some album or somesuch for all the MySpace faithful to buy…
Well, he whored his arse to that Mr Murdoch, what else should I have expected? Now I just can’t be arsed to take him off…
Two other things you’ll notice…
[1] You have an “extended network” before you even have an account.
[2] If you screw up your password, you get told you need to be logged in, in order to log in.
The Joys of MySpace…
April 21st, 2006 at 2:04 am
Terenzino *******’s latest blog entry…
[quote]
MORE FACKERRRSSSS!!!……
Current mood: amused
www.myspace.com/smoothfellers
these are the fake wannabes that wanna b like us the smoothfellas…its just so sadd how people have nothing else 2 do….hey at least they were wasting there time on us smoothfellas…well u fakes need 2 get a life…haha only if i knew who u were cause that would sux 4 u fakers…
isnt that fake **** stupid people………
[/quote]
Pot. Kettle.
April 21st, 2006 at 3:37 am
alrighty then…… ohhhh kettle.. good idea. Someone go to work for me, so I can go back to bed.
April 21st, 2006 at 2:02 pm
Awful, just awful. I just wish that people like that were spayed or something so they could never procreate.
April 26th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
Maybe Utterly-Nutz should just have a nice cup of tea…
April 26th, 2006 at 7:39 pm
Good idea, just made one in fact. But I still did not see anyone offer to go to work for me…
April 27th, 2006 at 12:01 pm
Id go to work for you, but you should probably ask your coworkers if:
1. They can handle constant ridicule that ranges from playful to downright offensive to everyone as a whole.
2. Spontaneous defication bothers anyone. I do mean ANYONE.
3. They think underwear and/or hats made of tin foil look, sound, or feel “wierd”.
4. They are prepared to provide full insurance coverage for when i come up with seemingly brilliant ideas to catch my nemesis only to have them, all of them, blow up in my face and result in me plummeting from a cliff so high that all you can see is a puff of dirt at the bottom.
5. They have a crack lawyer team to help me catch that F*cking road runner
….ive said too much.
April 27th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
1. See HR (I’ve been there for that reason, people are just too sensitive)
2. Take immodium
3. They probably could use the humour
4. While you’re at it, can you push some of them off a cliff too?
5. Bring a fork
:P
April 28th, 2006 at 10:09 am
wait a sec….
do you work for Acme?! You know, ive tried SEVERAL of your products (such as the giant sling shot, artificial wings, and a variety of rocket powered devices) only to have each fail me horribly, resulting in pain and humiliation the likes of which you dare not imagine. I mean, I just want to know who in the hell is testing AND approving these products.
April 28th, 2006 at 4:18 pm
Close, I work for a company where it seems lots of things break, mind you, it’s usually the dolt between the chair & the keyboard that causes it.
May 5th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
Fucc all u haters…SMooTHFeLLaS CHeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
May 10th, 2006 at 10:39 am
yeahhhh whoever wrote this..seems to me someone else needs to come out of the closet..the way you talk about those guys in italy kinda raises a flag for me..I dunno about anyone else..
May 22nd, 2006 at 12:00 pm
^ last two posts… `nuff said.
June 16th, 2006 at 5:58 pm
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=11207506
that’s his myspace URL, wow what a bunch of ********** the Smoothfellas are. Most of them are like hipanic or some ****.
June 29th, 2006 at 1:22 pm
umm these boys are my friends, get a ******* life
kthx
June 29th, 2006 at 7:35 pm
hahahaha
they got made fun of…
wow
June 30th, 2006 at 11:10 am
if those are your friends you need to abandon your ******* life. *****.
July 5th, 2006 at 6:24 am
yea wtf? more n half of them arent even Italian. “Yea, we all Italian n we are gangters” yea right, get a life
July 17th, 2006 at 1:12 am
Dr. Rosenblat, your humor is childish, at best, and your ability to communicate has been horribly compensated over years of wasting your life on the intarweb.
you fall into the same category as these kids.
Step 1: Find sharp kitchen utensil
Step 2: Hold utensil by handle, and insert sharpest point into your rectum
Step 3: Twist handle until pain ceases
Step 4: Call Jerry Springer, and get on the show for an “I’m Addicted to the internet” Episode.
July 17th, 2006 at 10:46 am
Looking at porn is not wasting your life.
Childish? At best?! You illiterate butterbean!
So, lemme get this straight:
my humor = childish
stabbing knife into ******** = comedic gold?
Genius, I bet that giant egg shaped head of yours can barely contain the vast amount of brain matter that fills it.
Then you follow ******** stabbing with a Jerry Springer joke? Originality and cunning at their finest.
Here is a little program Ive designed to help you fine tune your craft:
Step 1: Learn to take a joke.
Step 2: Avoid crying after sex.
Step 3: Audition for Blue Collar Comedy Tour.
Step 4: Die. A lot.
Practice, learn it, live it. You see, what I lack in general communication skills I make up for in
***** size.
July 17th, 2006 at 1:45 pm
“Step 4: Call Jerry Springer, and get on the show for an “I’m Addicted to the internet” Episode.”
Bahahahahaha! Addicted to the internet episode?! hahahahahahaha! Oh man, that’s rich.
July 21st, 2006 at 1:16 am
gaylords.
August 9th, 2006 at 6:21 pm
HOW DARE YOU BASH TRANCE MUSIC!!
I understand making fun of top 40, bluegrass, and rap (if not you should’ve) at least trance music has vocals and harmony!
Otherwise love your site!!
Oh yeah, nothing wrong with being gay and twinky either!!
September 2nd, 2006 at 7:45 am
wow that crap was bad, i had to message him and tey to help, i think he is too far gone
September 30th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
lol.. i thought i would just post here because they all go to my highschool.
only one of them is italian, one is jewish, and i think the other is arabian or
or something. They are punks, they think they can beat everyone in a fight thats smaller than they are, it’s funny cause they never pick on anyone bigger than they are cause they know they will they **** stomped on. thought this info might be funny to share
peace
October 27th, 2006 at 9:34 pm
Lmfao, U dont make fun of the Smoothfellas , theres only like 20 of em ha ha cuz nyone can get in.
But i kno of a better bunch, the Rough FeLlAS (Austin Rieder and Paul Weber, Me)
Oh fo sho
lmfao
November 15th, 2006 at 3:01 am
How are you gonna say this stuff about the Smoothfellas when you don’t even know them? How are you gonna tell them that they aren’t italian?? And another thing, they are guido’s ((greek and italian)) And all of you are just jealous, that you don’t look like that, so get your facts straight, before you post **** like that about them!!
December 23rd, 2006 at 7:20 pm
NAHHH! These guys r wannabes. Italia’s choosen ones MY ***! as for there personalitys idk, cuz ive only met them once. but there not real gangster ragazzos so **** them. they dont need to disgrace the name of my country.
December 23rd, 2006 at 7:22 pm
lmfao!!! smoothfellas r all gay they dont know wat its like to be a real gangster. they’re all dumbfucks and stupid *** ******* wanna bes and if ur afriad of a smoothfella ur a ***** too. lol. all smoothfellas r gay no matter wat they say! they can go to a gay bar and get boned in the *** and they’ll still say they’re gangsters. every smoothfella i’ve seen is small, week, scrony, and cant fight for ****! my friend cube fought 1 of those ******* and kicked/beat the **** out of his ***. theres even a video on youtube! and there is no straight/cool/gangter/fightable/non-gay smoothfella. i can go on and on and on. but it might take up the whole page. well to who ever made this page. u r deffinently one of the coolest people everrr lol
December 27th, 2006 at 2:58 am
As someone who was moved from fahionable Southern California to Flori-duh, I concur (most people here don’t even know what that word means). I am also a great admirerer of Italian men (YUM!) . These dorks are neither fashionable or Italian. Be gone with them. I have no uses for them. WAIT! I do have a couple of Pit Bulls….
January 2nd, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Joey Jewels Says:
May 5th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
Fucc all u haters…SMooTHFeLLaS CHeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
post # 25
lol like he can do **** all the smoothfellas i see r nothing but **** and they r all gay, gay gay gay gay gay they can all go to hell oooorrrr go to italy and get their asses handed to them by the real italians
January 6th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Brian you are my new best friend….oh wait….YOUVE BEEN MY BEST FRIEND SENICE 3RD GRADE!lolz
January 8th, 2007 at 7:10 am
Ay Skitz, between me & you, ever slipped one into Brian’s stink hole?
c’mon….it’s us….we won’t judge you.
January 16th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Dont you remember? You might’ve just been seaching it on one of the meny gay p0rn sites that you have, listed in your ‘Favorite Places’.But, yeah it was the dildo i found under your bed, pre-shitted, been looking for it lately?
February 25th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
i know these guys, and it was so funny because i am sittin at home doin a spansh project and i searched big *** blue eyes, and this was the first thing that came up. I was laughin so hard that i saw them but anyway. they are from new york, they from staten island, and they not that guidoish on a regular day i think they were just goin to a party. I’m not close friends with them, but i playedh andball wit 2 of em a few times, took their money f course.
March 8th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
i know all of these boys personally, and they are all really nice. I also think that its pretty low of you to post all of that nonsense about them, especially until you’ve met or hung out with them. I think that whoever posted this needs to get a life, and stay out of Joeys.
March 9th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
YEEAAHH! The’re REALLY nice, the ‘Nicest’ part about them is they beat up kids half the’re size, make out with other peoples girlfriends, give Italians a bad name, lie, steal, and all around shove THE’RE bullshit up OTHER peoples asses.
March 18th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
ALL SMOOTHFELLAS ARE GAY!!!
April 5th, 2007 at 1:04 am
Excuse, and what you think concerning forthcoming elections?
April 5th, 2007 at 8:56 am
God hath forsaken this forum….
May 17th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
ayooo ure boi cube aint fought no smoothfella he fought ****** mattman which mos def aint no damn smoothfella n ask ure boi cube wut happened when fat mark called him outt 2 bang??? got punk’d da fucc outt…n trust me when i tell u that if ure boi woulda fought any actual smoothfella out da camp he woulda got smashed n that goes 4 u 2 Skitz…if u wanna run this ***** n go squad for squad or shoot da 5 let me kno waz really good…it aint that hard 2 find us…we outt there on the daily….so please do me a favor n hitt me up so we can do this *****…u n ure pplz is certified fuCc bois talkin all that hott ***** wen u kno u aint about nutthin….
get at me…
~1~
June 4th, 2007 at 3:40 am
*pointing up* What does that even mean? Well, I guess we don’t have to worry about a “SMooTHFeLLa” becoming a Brain Surgeon, Rocket Scientist or anything other than a Fry Boy at Burger King. These kind of guys date the white chics who throw gang signs. Ah the humor of life.
June 19th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Nah they an’t even a gang no more. Fat Mark is…cool..i guess. but i was just bein a hater.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
No, Fat Mark isn’t cool. He’s fat. The two just don’t mix.
Plus, he apparently called some dude because he wanted to bang. Kinda gay guys. Kinda extremely gay.
Fat Mark: “Hey Cube, me & the guys are totally gonna rub each other down with vegetable oil and ’shoot da 5′. You in??
Cube: “No, I totally have to babysit tonight
”
Fat Mark: “Fooey! I’ve totally been dreaming about your muscular thighs all week and you totally can’t even make it? *sigh* I guess I’ll just stay in tonight too. Luckily, I totally have ‘Erin Brockovich’ on DVD, and a gallon of turtle tracks ice cream for just such an occassion!”
Cube: “Totally?”
Fat Mark: “Like…….totally.”
Cube & Fat Mark (in unison): “Fabulooooous!”
July 4th, 2007 at 11:26 am
Okay then…dude, your weird lol.
July 9th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Weird like a f*cking fox!
November 7th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
okay site creator listen to this ****…..my friend actually shot one of these so-called “SMOOTHFELLAS” in the leg with an ak-47 about a year ago. it was self defense so no charges were filed..but get this…”FAT MARK” was there and as soon as he saw my friend with his ak-47 they all ran except for a nigga they call “bigger than jesus” okay listen to this…”bigger than jesus” stood there like a dumbass and what did he get? he got a nice bullet in the knee… and my friend sent him on his way limping…of course my friend got arrested for it but it was later dropped….these kids the smoothfellas are the laughingstock of my county “volusia county” and i dont know anybody who likes them. fat mark is from a wealthy family and lives in the same neighborhood actor John Travolta, Mike Skinner, Kobe Bryant, and other famous people used to live in. all i have to say is i hate it to see fake people lie to people…..its a damn shame….i like your site by the way…just dont have me up here then you’d lose a fan, keep up the good work =)
November 8th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
OMG thats funny, I shot one of the SmoothFellas about a year ago. Look it up if you want. Those pussies came to my house talkin bout shootin someone and got shot. HAHAHA
November 19th, 2007 at 2:10 am
yes you did cody, thats who i was talkin about….he aint lyin either
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:58 am
DO YOU ******* IGNORANT CLOSEMINDED IMMATUREE IDIOTS EVEN HAVE A LIFE? IF YOU DONT LIKE SOMEONE THEN SO BE IT…BUT PERSONALLY I THINK ITS GREAT THAT ALL OF YOU WENT OUT OF YOUR WAY, WASTED A GOOD 5 MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE TO BASH SOME PEOPLE WHO YOU DONT EVEN KNOW.
ITS PEOPLE LIKE ALL OF YOU…THAT DISGUST ME..AND WONDER WHY YOUR PARENTS EVEN GAVE BIRTH TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU. YOU ALL ARE A WASTE OF SKIN…AND LIFE. STARTT TAKING CARE OF YOUR OWN LIFE…FINISH SCHOOL, BECAUSE IM SURE ALL OF YOU IMBECILS ARENT EVEN OVER THE AGE OF 18, WHICH CONNECTS TO WHY YOU GUYS ARE ALL IMMATUREEE…GROW THE ***** UPP…AND MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF.
THIS **** IS GETTING OLDDD…SERIOUSLY, YOU ALL KEEP POSTING THE SAMEEE DAMNN THINGSSSS
KKK THANKKSSS =]
February 5th, 2008 at 10:25 am
i know this amanda ***** aint talkin to us…..”bash someone we dont know?” ***** how the **** would you know if we knew them….i didnt make this site, i just found it about a year ago and i think its funny as hell, the SMoothfellAS are some fake wannabe guidos…