Daily Worst: Howard
Every now and then, you run into a guy like Howard (thanks Assassin). You know, a crazy dude that looks kinda like a retarded Andre 3000 with the most f*cked-up makeup job ever, posing like a dirty Eastern European crack whore straight out of the dirtiest gutter of Bucharest.
Oh, you’ve never ran into anyone like that? Ok, me neither. I was trying to impress you. Didn’t work, huh? Oh, and my fly is down. F*cking great.
Anyway, this guy is awesome. I laughed like a rabid hyena for about 5 minutes and then vomited profusely. Then my ear squirted blood and a Fruit Roll-up came out of my urethra.
Pictures are definitely worth a thousand words — which is a gay (not in the homosexual way) of saying I slept 0 hours last night and I don’t feel like writing more — so let me leave you with this:
Analysis
June 16th, 2006 at 9:42 am
It’s the cheap, trashy version of Denis Rodman!
June 16th, 2006 at 11:10 am
Can you guys not tell that he’s joking? It’s a fucking gag profile.
June 16th, 2006 at 11:16 am
Gag or no gag, the guy is a freak and that’s sufficient.
June 16th, 2006 at 11:50 am
What I want to see is the profile of the guy who took those pictures. My guess would be 05/09/06′s Daily Worst, Mark.
June 16th, 2006 at 12:04 pm
Where the hell do you find these people?!?
I’ve tried to find freaks like this to laugh at, but alas, you’ve outdone me again.
June 16th, 2006 at 12:15 pm
As if these people weren’t hilarious enough, you provide the greatest commentary!
June 16th, 2006 at 1:00 pm
I feel bad laughing at the mentally disabled.
June 16th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
It’s as if this guy were bucking to win “Worst Of Myspace”! You ought to give out an award for these guys to display on their profile!
June 16th, 2006 at 4:31 pm
That’s my boy! He found my group on MySpace and joined “The Black Girls” fan club. Yeah, MAYBE I was the one who sent his page in, but c’mon?!? Gatta share thais with the WORLD, man…
http://www.myspace.com/theblackgirls
http://www.myspace.com/cubas03
June 16th, 2006 at 5:07 pm
what an embarassment. that was the most notrocious group of pictures i have ever seen. eeeeewwwwwwwwwww!!!!! I’ve tried many times to find horrible profiles, but once again you’ve done it!
June 16th, 2006 at 7:59 pm
“As if these people weren’t hilarious enough, you provide the greatest commentary!”
She said it perfectly.
June 17th, 2006 at 11:28 am
hahaha dennis rodman, so thats why he hasn’t done any movies lately.
Steve F.
kawaiispace.com
June 18th, 2006 at 10:35 am
A bad SNL Skit by Kennan Thompson is just waiting to happen.
June 18th, 2006 at 12:13 pm
HA! I loved this guy in Good Burger! What happened….?
June 19th, 2006 at 12:28 pm
Dr. Rosenblat finds this young man to be both offensively unfunny AND just downright repulsive. Im not even really talking about the obvious, yet tragic, attempts at comedy with the make-up and abhorent poses. It is just my professional opinion that he should be genuinely ashamed of his body.
I was in first grade when I finally realized that babies do not come out of women’s butts. Now, Im not so sure again. Ive definitely seen a couple of his cousins smeared accross a toilet seat in the mall food court. Ok, and on my sponge bob boxer briefs.
June 19th, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Very picturesque, Dr. Rosenblat…..:p
June 21st, 2006 at 11:49 am
That guy is messed up
June 22nd, 2006 at 8:36 am
its ppl like this that can cheer me if im ever feeling depressed on wat a loser i am…i mean cmon look at him…
June 22nd, 2006 at 11:48 am
I. Have. No. Words.
June 23rd, 2006 at 10:50 am
Oh, my God, Urkel! What happened to you? Did you get messed up with the drugs?
July 1st, 2006 at 8:52 am
omigawwd, that’s fuckin’ hilarious!! I don’t think the dude is serious, I think he’s funny, the pics are great!
July 6th, 2006 at 10:36 pm
whats wrong wiv you people, if you dont like art photography u dun have to complain about it, everyone laughed at van gogh dint they
July 7th, 2006 at 7:54 am
Lynette, would you try that again in English please?
July 7th, 2006 at 9:43 pm
whateva
July 8th, 2006 at 4:21 am
Lmao!
Can’t.. breath.. laffing.. so hard..
I’ve never seen somthing so disturbing in all my life.. lol.
July 10th, 2006 at 3:10 pm
Yes, but Van Gogh didn’t take pictures of himself naked on the crapper.
July 10th, 2006 at 5:17 pm
Lynette: Art photography? What? Whoever heard or art photography being taken with a $3.50 pharmacy one-time-use camera? Art photography has good quality, good lighting, and a sense of actual, well, ART. This is not art. This is someone forgetting to padlock the door to the mental institution and letting the ‘insane ones’ rampage around in the reject pile of clothes from a photoshoot for M magazine for teenieboppers.
And everyone laughed at Van Gogh because showing your brushstrokes in your art was not appreciated back then and labeled CRAP. And i’ll just quote what Jeremy said; “Van Gogh didn’t take pictures of himself naked on the crapper.”
So whateva to you, Lynette, and by the way, KAN YEW SP33K 3NGLSH??
July 10th, 2006 at 6:16 pm
And just for you Lynette, I’ll go ahead and finish your next sentence as to save you the trouble:
“Whateva.”
July 10th, 2006 at 10:01 pm
I’m sorry to say Lynette, but this is the first profile on Worst that requires only one picture to qualify for it’s award. I think Mr. Nutz is getting better with age. Like a fine wine.
July 11th, 2006 at 7:29 am
Well have you looked at Lynette’s own MySpace? Worthy of its own Worst Of, for sure.
Very seizure-inducing.
July 11th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
Im wiv Lynette, u’s guyz r juzt uncultured barbarians that dun no art when u see it. Notice how exquisite dat shadowing un hiz pelvick region iz….fuggin A!
July 11th, 2006 at 7:19 pm
Jeremy Says:
July 11th, 2006 at 7:29 am
Well have you looked at Lynette’s own MySpace? Worthy of its own Worst Of, for sure.
Very seizure-inducing.
You’re right, Jeremy. I went to her page and thought I was going to have an aneurism. Then, it started raining words on her page! Tsk tsk tsk.
July 11th, 2006 at 11:45 pm
WHATEVA U IZ JUS JEALOUS COZ AM HOT AND U R SO NOT
July 12th, 2006 at 8:57 am
I want to give you guys a little glimpse into Lynette’s past…
This is an exchange between Lynette’s 9th grade homeroom teacher and her loving mother…and I quote…
teacher: “Ma’am, we strongly believe that you should seek a more specialized education for your daughter. She is the only student in her class that reads below a 6th grade level and without proper guidance she will be forced to struggle through life.”
Mom: “Whateva”
July 12th, 2006 at 9:14 pm
dunt u know how to read u iz jus jealous lyk i sed before aight dun mess wid me
July 13th, 2006 at 6:47 am
Lynette, do you have any hidden insecurities maybe? Statements like ‘I’m hot ur not’, while sounding uneducated, seem to suggest that and….well…your profile displays that you seem to take a special prize in emphasizing your negative features in a big way.
Plus your profile is enough to make the eyes haemorrhage. Yeeesh.
July 13th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
Lynette is just trying to get herself into the next monthly worst slot.
July 13th, 2006 at 4:50 pm
OMG! WTF WTF WTF, This is fucking scary… :-O GIVE HIM PROZAC NOW!
July 13th, 2006 at 8:24 pm
I have a sinking feeling that someone is playing us, those profiles illustrate quite a conformity to the “Thou Shalt Not’s Of Myspace”. And I quote “i am a rapper i just havent been discovered but if u would like a rap here is a sample from my song!! Mumu- yeh yeh whateva whateva aint interested biaatch yeh yeh whateva whateva yeh yeh yeh so yeh do you like my crap doz people dont know what the talking about when they call it crap hell yeah yeh yeh whateva whateva dun be fooled i cant do more than that coz of copyrite and stuff sorrey” I say fake.
July 13th, 2006 at 8:59 pm
u guyz jst cant stop tlkin aboot me can u STOP BEIN OBSESED WID ME leve me alone man wat iz ure problem
July 13th, 2006 at 9:02 pm
if u dun lyk my lyrics or ma site am not azkin u to dis it aight itz my style itz up to me yall started on me wen i commenteded on a prof watz wrong wid yall jus coz i av an opinion am not a reel person fok all of yall
peace \/
July 14th, 2006 at 12:23 am
I think Lynette just lowered my IQ.
ps. That picture can’t not be a joke. If not it isn’t a joke then you hit the nail on the head. The crazy house must have missed one.
[zacky]
July 14th, 2006 at 8:48 am
aiight LynLyn imma lev u alon cuz like ya omfg izz so unfair how were like slammin ur site but ya man i gotta sya yo dude your site is like seizure inducin we started on ya cuz ur opinion aint like making you a real person omgggg
ok, really, dont like say fook you all and then peace it all out. Whats wrong with you? YOu dont want to hear us talk/slam the people? DOnt come on this site, and dont like comment if youre going to fight, little girl.
July 14th, 2006 at 2:20 pm
Hey Lynette “Hook On Phonics” is looking for a new spokesperson… Jesus Christ Lynette, my seven year old niece has a 5th grade reading and writting, compare you to her, you are about as funtional as a 12 year old retarted in a remedial kindegarden class. Just never aspire to become a rap star and keep flipping those burgers at “McDonalds” and remember the fryer is pretty hot.
July 14th, 2006 at 4:00 pm
i dunt care man am stick up for maself i know am cool jealousy iz da only ting it could be aight
BO
July 14th, 2006 at 8:58 pm
Sara and Destroi are quite right, I think. Lynette is most probably a fake. I have even found the place where she translates her words into those horrid joke-ebonics:
http://www.joel.net/EBONICS/translator.asp
To prove it, lets put in an example here:
‘No one told you to like my lyrics or my site. If you’re just jealous, just leave me alone alright? Stop being obsessed with me.’
Use the translator and we get:
‘No one told ya ta like muh ma fuckin lyrics or muh ma fuckin site. If you just jealous, just jet me alone aight? Stop being obsessed wiff me.’ Don’t make me come ovah there bitch…’
BINGO! Lynette. And that website says straight out, those are JOKE ebonics.
So there we go, fake.
Sad, that there are people who so want their ‘fifteen seconds’ that they’ll resort to trying to get on worst of myspace to earn a little recognition…
July 14th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
Please note that ‘joke ebonics’ are often the same as real ebonics, with the exception being that the joker usually doesn’t have the drool stain on his shirt.
July 14th, 2006 at 11:22 pm
YALL KISS MY ASS AIGHT
July 14th, 2006 at 11:23 pm
IF I WANNA TALK LYK DIS I CANT ITZ SLANG IF U DUN LYK IT I DUN GIVE A SHIT MAN JUS SERIUS PLEZ LEVE ME ALONE
July 15th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
hahahahahahahahahaha holy fucking moose shit! lynette’s christmas tree site made me spit up my lunch!
July 16th, 2006 at 6:39 am
man i think u guyz r bein wel out of order to lynette. y cnt u jus let her be. it jus shows how all of u very ‘interlectual’ peepl r narrow minded n cnt let peepl be. u shud learn t respect peepl for whu they r – even if they dnt conform to ur idea of a perfect person (obviously lyk urselves)
July 16th, 2006 at 4:12 pm
n.e. wun no uf uh cheep phaik ee bon ix tran slay ter? Kan eyez gets ones atz ze dolla stohr?
July 16th, 2006 at 6:34 pm
*Twitch*
July 17th, 2006 at 6:11 am
Awww, I’m sorry, ‘Satan’, that those of us that like to pick up books dont agree with Lynette that Howard up there is a creative genius.
Now lets all go out for burgers. Lynette can use her employee discout.
July 18th, 2006 at 12:29 am
ami kizz it! AT LEST I CAN SPELL WEN I WNT TO N SHIT N URE TRYING TO B ALL SMART WELL ITZ !DISCOUNT! BIATCH AND I DUN WORK AT NO FUCKIN SHIT HOLE JUNKFOOD AIGHT! I AM DOIN JOURNALISM SO KIZZ MY AZZ BIAAAAATTTCCCCCHHHH!
yo satan
July 18th, 2006 at 10:07 am
What…the…fvck.
July 19th, 2006 at 1:10 pm
Journalism for the Wigger Weekly?
July 22nd, 2006 at 12:47 pm
lol funny
July 22nd, 2006 at 8:36 pm
[quote]ami kizz it! AT LEST I CAN SPELL WEN I WNT TO N **** N URE TRYING TO B ALL SMART WELL ITZ !DISCOUNT! ****** AND I DUN WORK AT NO ****** **** HOLE JUNKFOOD AIGHT! I AM DOIN JOURNALISM SO KIZZ MY AZZ BIAAAAATTTCCCCCHHHH!’[/quote]
Well, Lynette, if you’re actually a journalist who has a real job and can actually spell when you want to, then I’m guessing that this must be one of those few cases where people with multiple personalities CAN have a relatively normal life? Or at least, one of the alter-egos can. The second one, clearly spends all conscious time butchering the english language in a sadly doomed effort to look ‘hip’.
My advice? Don’t quit your day job! And it wouldn’t hurt to do something about that hideous myspace page either…
July 22nd, 2006 at 11:51 pm
its ma profile its ma style dun judge me jus coz i az frendz and am cool dun mean u have to be abitch aboot it innit
July 23rd, 2006 at 12:49 pm
Mabye not, but we can most certainly make accurate judgements on your stupidity and ignorance by witnessing your crapped up attempts of communication. That can barely be considered English.
I think you need a healthier hobby. Try reading.
July 24th, 2006 at 12:38 am
I can’t help but fall in love with this rascally retard named Lynette. Please please PLEASE keep up the flames! And flamers, don’t forget to read up on Welcome to the Internet: beska.net/welcome
July 24th, 2006 at 2:29 am
[quote]its ma profile its ma style dun judge me jus coz i az frendz and am cool dun mean u have to be abitch aboot it innit [/quote]
Interesting. Your slang seems to take a turn from twisted ebonics to british slang. As for your friends, you seem to have about 5 if I recall, correct? Can any of them actually read your webpage? How are you meant to read it? As for the abuse you have done to the innocent photoshop with your picture, if you keep it up then you may well become the motivation for a female version of the ‘fab five’.
Look, moral of the story, nobody’s out to get you, or anyone whose profile is pictured here. It’s just that people can’t help noticing and commenting when someone makes a complete and utter ass of themselves….in front of the whole virtual world.
Constructive criticism, really.
July 24th, 2006 at 6:51 am
I agree, if multiple people spontaneously advise you to freshen up on your English, it’s not just flaming. It’s constructive criticism with a few insults tossed in here and there.
I am personally appauled by the laziness. Does it take THAT much longer to press the “SpaceBar” key at the right time and capitalize your frickin’ “I”‘s? I personally find it much more difficult to speak butchered and broken English.
July 24th, 2006 at 5:15 pm
WOW! YOU SPELT SOMETHING RIGHT! MY NAME! Other than that, i give you a big stikin F. And, uh, Lynette? Youre a journalist? For WHAT? Constant submissions to the Unemployment ads?
Anyway, i dont understand why youre acting all gangster when according to your profile youre a middle aged white woman who needs to read a couple of Paint tutorials.
At least my profile doesnt suck ass.
July 24th, 2006 at 6:04 pm
Ok, where’s the updates???!!!
July 24th, 2006 at 6:43 pm
Maybe he’s in High School Journalism, the staff too lazy to kick him out.
And, either way, flaming is entertaining. I wouldn’t mind not seeing updates as long as I get my daily dose of flaming. It’s like drugs. Only with text and nerds.
And Asterisks.
July 24th, 2006 at 6:52 pm
HAHAHAHAH u iz well jealous
July 25th, 2006 at 6:11 am
Heh. We’re real ass-holes, huh?
July 26th, 2006 at 5:25 am
Umm, jealous of what Lynette? Your abuse of photoshop? Your color blindness? Your inability to put together a website that does NOT induce an epileptic fit? Your undecuated sounding butchering of the english language? The fact that most people who see your page will wonder what you’ve been slipping in your coffee?
Is that what we’re meant to be jealous of?
July 26th, 2006 at 10:18 am
Some woman left this comment on his space:-
I work with a lot of the same photographers that very established magazines such as: Highlights, Parenthood, and Tiger Beat use. Your Victoria Secert photo is amazing. You are so photogentic is hurts. I would love to work with you, if you are interested. I know you have alot of intrest from very rep. people and must be very busy, but Im begging.
Is that supposed to be some joke? are these people really out there? It seems to just be Americans. You crazy Bunch (!)
July 26th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
if u werent jealous u wudnt get all pizzed a write paragraphz aboot it HAHHAHAHAHAHAH jealouzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
July 27th, 2006 at 3:55 am
I’m sorry Lynette, but I truly hope you are a fake and having a joke at everyone else’s expense. Because if you aren’t, then you must rate in the top ten of the stupidest damn people that I have ever encountered.
July 27th, 2006 at 3:59 am
And just for your benefit in case you don’t understand what I said before, I’ll translate it for you into those stupid joke ebonics you use:
I’m sorry Lynette, but I truly hope ya iz uh fake an’ havin’ uh joke at brothas else’s expense. Because if ya aren’t, then ya mus’ rate in da top ten o’ da stupidest damn peeps dat I gots ever encountered. you know das right!
August 1st, 2006 at 10:55 pm
I like him a lot.
Can you people not tell that it’s a massive joke? He seems to be making fun of Jefree Star with the lovely make up and awful outfits. I think it’s a nice commentary. And pretty fun too. And you have to admit, the guy is pretty awesome for taking such terrible pictures of himself, I don’t think I’d ever be willing to purposefully make myself look that bad.
Anyways, I like him a lot. He amuses me and I think I’ll go so far as to call him a genius.
August 4th, 2006 at 10:53 am
“I think I’ll go so far as to call him a genius.”
I can concieve only two theories as to the motive of “Lynette”.
The first and widely accepted theory of insanity. If we find this to be true, the only hope for mankind is high velocity lead to the reproductive organs, whichever they may be.
The second or more likely true is the theory of lies. If true the person responsible needs to either have there head examined, or go into buisness as a performance artist.
This is pure awesome, compressed into XHTML.
August 25th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
OMG
Im still cleaning up the mess i did by puking after seeing this.
there should be a law against theses creatures.
September 15th, 2006 at 6:16 am
Hahahahahaha this was hilarious reading. Bahahaha Lynette are u for real?
September 16th, 2006 at 11:55 am
….seriously a fruit roll-up came out of ur urethra? i laughed about that for like ten minutes…then i looked at this guys profile and realized that i shall never be able to get another erection as long as i live…
November 15th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
I just threw up in my mouth
November 18th, 2006 at 5:57 pm
OH MY GAWD! I’ll brb… Gotta bleach my eyes.
November 26th, 2006 at 1:31 pm
YO THAT IS STRAIGT UP FUNNY PICTURE OF THAT BLACK GUY,YOU’RE RIGHT U GUYS HE LOOKS LIKE THE RETARED VERSION OF “ANDRE 3000″ BUT IN MY OPINION I SAY HE LOOKS LIKE THE GAY VERSON OF ” DENNIS RODMAN”,BUT THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE GET FOR SUCKIN’ UP MY SPACE,LIKE I SAID BEFORE AND EVERYBODY WHO THINKS MY SPACE IS COOL,IT’S A FADE IT’S NOT GOIN’ 2 LAST THAT LONG IT’S GONNA GO IN THE GUTTER LIKE “BLACKPLANET” MIGENTE” I WAS TELLIN’ DIS GIRL ON THE BUS THAT MY SPACE IS A WASTE OF TIME DON’T GO ON THERE,BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHIN’ TO DO BUT CHAT WITH YO’ FREINDS AND STUFF AND SHARE YO’ PROFILE TO PEOPLE AND THAT RIGHT THERE IS SUCKIN MY SPACE,I WISH THESE PEOPLE WOULD STOP GOIN’ ON MY SPACE AND GO TO “YOU TUBE” CUZ IT’S WAY, WAY, WAY, FUCKIN BETTER THAN THAT PIECE OF SHIT,BESIDES I USED TO BE A MEMBER OF MY SPACE,BUT NOW I DON’T GO THERE NOMORE BECAUSE OF THOSE INTERNET FREAKS, AND I DEFINALLY DESTROYED THEM WHEN I WAS ON THERE,SO MY ADVISE TO YOU GUYS IS THIS BE CAREFUL WHO YOU TALK TO ON MY SPACE CUZ YOU NEVER KNOW WHEATER
THAT PERSON CAN BE A PRETEDOR OR A SEXUAL FIEND, SO JUST REMEMBER MY ADVISE WHAT I SAID TO YOU GUYS CUZ MY SPACE IS USIN’ Y’ALL BY PUTTIN’ ALL INFORMATION AND STUFF AND RUIN YO’ LIVES,SO LIKE I SAID MY SPACE IS GOIN’ DOWN THE GUTTER IT’S A FADE,IT’S NEVER GOIN’ LAST THAT LONG,OH AND BY THE WAY DID YOU HEAR THAT “JAY-Z” IS SUING MY SPACE? (LOL) (LOL) SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU STEAL PEOPLE’S MUSIC WITHOUT PERMISSION NOW THAT WILL TEACH YOU GUY HOW TO SUCK UP MY SPACE,IF Y’ALL WANNNA GET OUT OF MY SPACE JUST HIT ME UP AT http://WWW.DICE IS DA ILLEST.COM OR HIT ME UP AT MY CELLPHONE AT (1646) 251-7804 IF U CAN’T REACH ME AT MY WEBSITE AND WE’LL TALK ABOUT MY SPACE OR SHOULD I SAY MY FAKE SPACE.
March 7th, 2007 at 2:39 am
this guy (howard) is my new hero! i’m serious, i just put him as my hero on myspace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 7th, 2007 at 2:41 am
i love this guy (howard)!!!! he’s my new hero (i’m s3r1ous! i put as my h3r0 on myspace!!!!!!!!)
March 14th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
this guy might have taken too many tanning pills and is the Zodiak killer on the loose…….nigga please
July 16th, 2007 at 12:51 am
hello