Daily Worst: JIMMBAY1
Today’s crappy MySpace profile is JIMMBAY1 (Thanks, His Royal Flyness!) It’s an insane conglomeration of pirates and leprechauns and Injuns, or whatever they’re calling The Red People these days.
Red-Americans? Heathen-Americans? Pre-colonial Americans? Possible-Asians-Who-Came-Over-the-Bering-Land-Bridge-Americans?
Whatever. I can’t keep up anymore. Every year after college, you stop caring less and less about these things. Then, one day you wake up and you’re a Republican frump with penny loafers, Costco jeans and a tucked-in polo shirt, wondering whether it’s best to get a shotgun or a 9mm for home defense against a potential darkie invasion (it happens all the time on the news, you know.)
Anyway, this profile sucks, yadda yadda yadda. I’m tired. Plus, I get a lot of enjoyment reading your comments. There’s really some brilliant stuff in there, so I’m hoping you bastards can get back into it after my extended absence.
March 12th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
Seriously, I’ve spent the last 5 minutes trying to think of something nasty and mean and judgmental to say about this guy… but I just can’t. There’s too much weird **** happening on his profile that I don’t know where to start.
Look what he says about his dead son: “He was a Wrestler from birth.” What does that ******* mean? He wrestled his way out of the womb? He wrestled with the doctors? He wrestled with complicated thoughts?
Plus there are like vikings and **** in the comments. Basically, this guy’s profile is the equivalent of taking a bunch of acid and reading a history book while watching Pirates of Penzance.
Someone else tell me they’re struggling with this as much as I am.
March 14th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Okay, I looked at his page, and after an hour later (due to my eyes gouging themselves, my eardrums exploding and my fingers bleeding due to this horrible garbage and I still can’t think of anything that needs to be pointed out besides the fact that he lives in wanigaS
March 14th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Alright, under the picture, the “View Profile” link takes you to Crystal’s page, which is 10 times worse than the last time I was duped into visiting it.
Anyway, where the hell do you get “50.3%”?
Dude can’t spell, and I’m still not at the bottom of his eternal page of gif images. Gawd.
March 14th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
What the **** is up with gigantic font? I have to scroll down to read a few sentences. He also has 11 pages worth of pictures. I’m not gonna look through it, but nobody needs to know the date of every picture of yourself. This man claims to be a patriot, but he just looks like a hippie.
March 14th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
I just like that he worked out his heritage to a DECIMAL POINT. awesome.
-R
March 15th, 2007 at 10:46 am
It’s almost as if Jimmbay himself ate a big ol’ bowl of html for breakfast this morning, then took a watery dump all over my monitor. Luckily I gave the page about half a minute before I terminated it with the most extreme of prejudices. This page comes dangerously close to emotional scarring. It should be closed to minors. And the elderly. And everyone.
March 15th, 2007 at 7:48 pm
They spelled “Welsh” wrong. That’s all I saw before my computer shut itself down.
April 5th, 2007 at 9:08 am
Weird weird weird. Not even scary. Just extremely bizarre. Like some Chinese pop-up designer shat into
a server and mixed in some photos of Willie Nelson meets Jack Nicholson. Just plain weird.
April 8th, 2007 at 11:57 am
WHOA!!! So much going on. Maybe he was high and just kept rambling or maybe he is just a “special” guy. He really likes his family history though. Very proud. All I can say really is.. WHOOOAAA!!!
April 9th, 2007 at 6:29 pm
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry… honestly.
My computer wasn’t even able to load it all the way. I am grateful that I wasn’t subjected to more crap.
It’s not quite as bad as crystals though.
April 9th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
Who the heck is “his royal flyness” and why does this man have pink font (ok I’ll give props to the fact that it is not size 50)?
Apparently the “view profile” button leads us back to dear sweet crystal’s page. Oh my has it changed! The last time I saw it, it was all about Nascar and the Colts. Now it’s all eastery and just as painful on the eyes.
Sometimes I think people need to just leave the internet alone. It would be much more bearable for us literate educated people if all the illiterate HTML lovin’ people had to pass a test to even log on to the internet.
April 9th, 2007 at 11:26 pm
RUSSEL CONFUSED!
NOW RUSSEL MAD!!
RUSSEL SMASH!!!
April 10th, 2007 at 9:19 am
Ok, now you’ve gone and upset Russel. I hope everyone is happy.
You’re all so smug with your fancy words and pish posh attitudes. I don’t blame him for wanting to smash, I really don’t.
April 10th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Poor Russel, and we had just got him off depressants. Back to the Imovane® you playful agressive psycho you!
But for reals.
If this guy is a special person, special people have come a long way. They seem to have graduated to learning to type, and using copy-and-paste. Oh those retards and their minor technical skills.
April 18th, 2007 at 11:48 pm
Not even in the 90’s could you get away with this…
Thankfully my modem hung up before it crashed my poor computer.
May 11th, 2007 at 9:16 am
I love that he has “Highlander Radio” I’m just glad i couldn’t hear it playing.
June 2nd, 2007 at 12:16 pm
“I have been know to have Fun, Horseshoes, Pool/Billiards, Dart’s, Skeet, Trap, Fencing, Renaissance Fairs, Pow Wows, Canoeing, and anything Interesting”
I cried laughing at this.
August 17th, 2007 at 10:11 pm
Eesh, regardless of all the warnings, I went ahead and clicked, and now my eyes are hurting.
I do believe I shall have to notify the publishers of the Dictionary.com website. They will want to know that they can now directly hyperlink a visual definition of the word ‘tacky’ onto their site. Gah!
November 1st, 2007 at 4:53 pm
I love really horriable myspace pages…
people who can’t spell,
people who can’t use any html skills,
or post stupid ****.
…kinda like me
November 13th, 2007 at 11:24 am
I like to look at dumb peoples myspace pages when I REALLY have nothing else to do!